Why people use the word “you” rather than “I”

The word “you” is one of the most commonly used words in the English language. Generally used to address the other person, “you” is also used to indicate people in general.

But this ubiquitous word, also known as the generic-you, has many other implications and meanings when used to reflect one’s own personal experiences especially if they are negative ones.

Researchers conducted nine experiments with 2489 people to understand why people used “you” not only to address a specific other person but also to reflect on their own experiences.

One experiment asked participants to write about a personal experience. 201 participants were asked to make meaning out of a negative event, 198 were asked to relive a negative event and 203 were asked to simply write about a neutral experience.

Participants used the generic-you when they reflected on a negative experience which enables them to normalise their experience by extending it beyond themselves.

Those who were asked to make meaning used generic-you a lot more in their essays with 46 per cent of them using the word at least once. Ten per cent of those in the relive group used the generic-you while only 3 per cent used the word “you” at least once in the neutral group.

Across six experiments, researchers found that participants used the generic-you when they reflected on a negative experience which enabled them normalise their experience by extending it beyond themselves. For example, if someone said, “You win some, you lose some”, that would indicate that the person had failed at something, but by using “you” they are communicating that it can happen to anyone. Another example is when people say, “When you are angry, you say and do things that you will most likely regret.” It might actually explain a personal situation but, by using “you”, the individual is making it something others can relate to.

The researchers say that it seems contradictory for people to generalise their own personal and idiosyncratic experiences when they are sharing it with others. They believe that people do this because it allows them to move beyond their own perspective and to be able cope with those experiences by expressing it as a shared experience and allowing them to derive a broader meaning from their personal events.

While “you” is an overlooked word which people use to express norms and rules, it is a powerful yet simple linguistic device used to express meaning, according to this study.

So the next time you hear someone using “you” instead of “I”, know that they are probably coping with your unique and peculiar experiences and finding ways for you to relate to them.

Source: Science