Where to begin when you want to change your life

Many people want to change various aspects of their lives, yet change is something people often avoid if possible. Why? Because change can be hard and often involves being out of your comfort zone and having to learn something new or to do things differently.

Often people can also feel frustrated when they have tried to change something several times yet it still remains unchanged. It is very annoying to put time and effort into something and genuinely want to change your life, yet still have it not work. It’s easy to give up and think change is just not possible.

The key to change is to do it at the right level. Many people try to change a habit from the top layer. But if you attempt to address problems such as anxiety, depression, stress and negativity, or traits like shyness, excessive anger and low confidence, superficially, the effects will not endure as the cause of the problem is still not being addressed.

For example, if someone says “I wish I was more confident,” they often try to somehow be more confident. They may do this through trying to make more friends, dressing nicer or having a makeover and thinking good things about themselves. The problem is that these changes will not be long lasting and the person will eventually go back to the way they were before, perhaps even feeling worse at their failed effort to increase their self-confidence.

When we try to tackle change from this top level it never works and never lasts. This is because simply working off the thought “I want to change my life” is not solving the problem at the right level. In order to change something like self-confidence, you have to go back and figure out why you are not confident in the first place. The same goes for if you are depressed: you need to discover why you are feeling so sad.

When you ask these questions to yourself, you start getting to the bottom or core of the problem. When you address a problem in this way you can’t help but change your life. On top of this, the changes you make in this way are permanent. This is because you are changing the core of who you are and these changes happen on many levels, including emotionally, mentally, physically, energetically and spiritually.

So how do you begin to change your life?

There are a number of positive steps you can make to begin to change your life. These include:

• Make a list of what you want to change in your life. Make it a short list and be kind to yourself.
• See if there are any overlapping things on the list. For example, are any symptoms similar to each other or happening in the same sorts of situations?
• Think about the history of the problem you want to change. For example, if it is self-confidence, think about when you started to feel you had confidence issues and what was happening in your life around that time. Creating a timeline like this will give you lots of useful information.
• Find someone to help you who can give you tools to allow you to further your introspection. There’s so much you can do yourself but there is also only so much you can do yourself. Even chatting to a close friend to get their perspective can help.

If you can follow these tips you will be able to change your life in whatever area you wish, but remember change can take time and requires persistence. You can’t expect to change overnight or without hard work; you are basically changing a habit, and that takes reinforcement and dedication. The great news is once you get used to doing it, over time it does become easier and the rewards will improve your quality of life immensely.