Up Periscope

If I were able to chart my brain right now it would have certainly more peaks and troughs than the recent history of our Australian Stock Exchange.

As the emotional roller coaster of healing continues I find myself in a situation of battening down the hatches yet again.  In preparation for the next onslaught of feelings some of which included totally unsupported, unable to cope with day to day tasks or deal with the outside world.  The fuel tanks were empty, in fact I must have missed the low fuel light flashing like a beacon until I ran out of GO!!!  I was stunned. The tanks that have always supported me to somehow keep on giving and giving without refilling had dried up.

As many a great athlete and leaders around the world have said, it is when times like these are upon us that one must turn within.  I too, counsel my clients on this point and have had to apply it on several  occasions throughout my life.  All of the answers we ever require are contained within us if we are prepared to delve within and block out the external distractions.

Question: What happens though, when the within; your subconscious also turns on you?

I found myself waking at 4am from an awful dream.  There were doctors around me telling me that my breast lump had now extended somehow into my arm was now inoperable and there was nothing that could be done for me…..  gasp!

My first response was to feel my breast, breathe a sigh of relief that the lump is still as it had felt the night before. However, I did not want to go back to sleep in case this dream continued.   Even the thoughts of all the little things, the positive things I am so aware of were not seeming to console me

Answer: Subconscious fear?  Absolutely!  So then I pondered feeling unsupported externally and now internally.  A complete state of discombobulation…!

Acknowledgment of this is part of the key to moving past it and I am confident that this is now the rock bottom part of healing crisis that I can start to build up from.

A couple of years ago I came across a quote that I sent to my friends.  It popped back into my head the other day as I asked the Universe to support me with healing energy and love.

‘When you come to the edge of all that you know, there will be one of two things that occur.  There will be earth upon which to stand or you will be given wings so that you may fly’