How to live generously

What would you do if you were given $5 and told to keep it or spend it on someone else? Would you think it mattered which decision you made? After all, it’s only $5. Your decision, however, would have impacted on your health and happiness more than you might think.

We are all interconnected, be it with those we are in a relationship with or strangers walking past us in the street. Fundamental to living generously is an understanding that your actions have the power to positively or negatively affect those around you. What might surprise you, however, is that living generously also affects you.

Research conducted in Australia, Canada and the US has linked generosity to greater levels of happiness, lower levels of depression, improved heart health and stronger relationships. If you are looking to experience more happiness in your life and improve your health, the decision to develop a generous lifestyle and mindset may be the best one you make for your future.

Boost your happiness

The search for happiness consumes and fascinates people worldwide. The usual search for happiness, however, often takes you down the wrong path. While a new job, new house, new car or an exciting holiday may help to some extent, the happiness you experience often doesn’t last. Instead of looking for ways to make yourself happier, research is showing that to increase your happiness you need to start asking, “How can I make someone else happy?”

Lara Aknin is a psychology graduate at the University of British Columbia in Canada. She asked people walking by if they would like to take part in an experiment. She then handed them an envelope that contained either $5 or $20, with an instruction to either spend the money on themselves or spend it on someone else or a charity.

After the experiment it was noted: “By the end of the day, individuals who spent money on others — who engaged in what we call ‘prosocial spending’ — were measurably happier than those who spent money on themselves, even though there were no differences between the two groups at the beginning of the day. The amount of money people found in their envelopes — $5 or $20 — had no effect on their happiness. How people spent the money mattered much more than how much of it they got.”

It seems like reverse logic, but when you think and act in the best interest of others, your best interests are also met. When you live generously, you receive a boost to your self-confidence while also feeling a greater sense of purpose and meaning in your life. You also realise that you have the power to make a difference in the world.

Beat the blues

Psychologist Lisa Firestone explains that generosity makes you feel positive and optimistic because living generously requires you to connect with others. Social connectedness is a powerful antidote to feeling disconnected, isolated and depressed.

“Generosity is a natural confidence builder and a natural repellent of self-hatred,” she says. “People who battle depression have been shown to benefit from volunteering, as it gives them a sense of value and purpose while placing them in a social environment.”

Finding ways to manage or prevent depression is a significant challenge for many Australians. According to the Black Dog Institute, one in seven Australians will experience depression. In fact, 3 million Australians are living with depression or anxiety every day, reports Beyond Blue.

While there is no quick fix for depression and anxiety, it’s helpful to know that living generously is a non-medical option that can make a difference in the quality of people’s lives. The link between generosity and lower levels of depression has also been supported by research conducted in the US.

Stephanie L Brown, a research investigator at the University of Michigan in the US, reports that in one study patients undergoing dialysis experienced fewer depressive symptoms and higher subjective wellbeing when they were able to actively assist their carers. People feel happier when they can see they are making a difference in the lives of those around them.

This was also seen in another study, where researchers found that widowers who helped others were less likely to have their grief develop into depression. Clearly, humans are social creatures who thrive when they feel needed.

It’s not healthy for people to live in isolation, to feel disconnected or to feel that their lives are of no consequence. In fact, isolation, disconnection and depression can drastically compromise your health and could possibly cost you your life.

The heart of the matter

“There is strong and consistent evidence that people who experience depression or are socially isolated or do not have quality social support are at greater risk of developing coronary heart disease,” reports the Australian Heart Foundation.

What is surprising, however, is how serious these issues are. The report continues: “These three factors can have as great an effect on a person’s risk of coronary heart disease as other, better-known risk factors such as smoking, high cholesterol levels or high blood pressure.”

It is staggering to think that feelings of disconnection and depression can impact on your health as much as high-risk habits such as smoking. The good news is, however, that living generously can do the opposite. Living generously can, in fact, lower your risk of heart disease.

A study conducted by Carnegie Mellon University in the US found that “… Older adults who volunteer for at least 200 hours per year decrease their risk of hypertension, or high blood pressure, by 40 per cent”. Forty per cent is a staggering number, particularly for a non-medical approach to heart health. Volunteering is not just good for the hearts of older people, though.

Another study, conducted by the University of British Columbia, found that volunteering was also beneficial for the cardiovascular health of young people. Among a group of year 10 high-school students who volunteered over a 10-week period, their levels of inflammation, cholesterol and BMI (body mass index) decreased.

These are significant findings, as cardiovascular disease is the biggest killer after cancer in affluent countries like Australia. The Heart Foundation reports that “cardiovascular disease kills one Australian every 12 minutes”. When you live generously you are not only living from your heart, but you are also protecting it in ways that might save your life one day. It’s often said that a generous person has a “big heart” and it might actually be true.

So what does it mean to live generously? Do you need a larger bank account? Do you need to retire so you have more free time? Thankfully, living generously doesn’t have to involve either.

What is generosity?

In Deepak Chopra’s book The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, he explains beautifully what living generously means: “It doesn’t have to be in the form of material things; it could be a flower, a compliment or a prayer. In fact, the most powerful forms of giving are non-material. The gifts of caring, attention, affection, appreciation and love are some of the most precious gifts you can give, and they don’t cost you anything.”

It is often the thoughtful acts of generosity rather than the “showy” extravagant and expensive gestures that are more meaningful and memorable. This also means everyone can be generous, no matter what their life situation. So how can you expand your capacity for generosity?

Mind over matter: seeing abundance

The secret is simple: generosity begins in the mind. Generosity is a cognitive decision to see abundance in your life rather than scarcity. Seeing abundance in your life means you can look at your life, and the world around you, and believe there is enough to go around.

You can look at your life and say, “I have all that I need to be safe, at peace, and to experience happiness and joy.” This is different from saying you have everything you want. When you adopt an abundant worldview you make a choice to focus on what you have rather than fixate on what you don’t have.

Why is this important to living generously? If you don’t feel you have enough you will operate in the world from the opposite position: one of scarcity. When something is scarce it creates fear. People fear missing out. When people feel fear, they also feel anxious.

Think about what happens when there is a known shortage at a Grocery shop: people go and stockpile. When people feel fear and anxiety they react in an aggressive and hostile way because they are desperately trying to look out for themselves and their own wellbeing. This response ensures survival in times of genuine scarcity but it’s an unhealthy way to live day to day.

Yet many people are living exactly like this. Just the other day, I was nearly run over on a pedestrian crossing. When I pointed out to the driver that it was a pedestrian crossing he stuck his finger up at me and kept driving. His behaviour showed no concern for others, let alone for my safety or wellbeing. It’s this type of behaviour that undermines the fabric of a healthy and happy society. It’s this behaviour that is also indicative of an unhappy individual.

“The most psychologically healthy individuals in our communities are those who are able to give without feeling diminished by giving. They are least trapped by the illusion that giving something away freely leaves you with any less,” explains Stephanie Dowrick in her book Forgiveness and Other Acts of Love.

Generosity is a cycle that starts with one person and is kept going by the flow back and forth between giver and receiver. It is this generosity cycle that’s proving to be the foundation of a strong marriage. Research conducted in the US has shown that spouses who are generous towards their partners enjoy happier and longer-lasting marriages with less conflict and less likelihood of divorce.

With so many benefits associated with living generously, how can you keep a flow of generosity moving in your life? Generosity relies on an abundant mindset and there are some simple things you can do to ensure you are seeing the world abundantly.

Five ways to develop a more generous mindset

There are times in life when it can feel like you don’t have enough and it’s tempting to go into “protection and stockpiling mode”. These five tips, however, will help you stay positive, motivated and generous.

1. 1.  Gratitude

Be grateful. Keep a note of the wonderful things in your life. Even when life is not going particularly well, there will always be things you can be grateful for. Some people like keeping a gratitude journal, while others prefer using an app on their phone. Maybe you just want to do this as a thought exercise. When you notice your thoughts are becoming negative, stop and ask yourself, “OK, but what is going well?” By focusing on the positives you will begin to feel more gratitude, more happiness and less anxiety.

1. 2.  Positive spin

When you start to think negatively it’s easy to get stuck replaying the worst-case scenario in your mind. However, focusing on the worst-case scenario is only going to increase your level of anxiety, making you feel more hopeless and overwhelmed. Stop yourself when you notice you are catastrophising your life. Instead, spend time thinking, imagining and focusing on the best-case scenario.

1. 3.  Watch your words

What you say impacts greatly on your life. If all you ever talk about with friends and family is the problems and issues in your life, it’s going to be hard to feel inspired and optimistic. Break this self-perpetuating cycle and introduce more positive topics into your conversations. What you focus on magnifies: focus on topics that energise, entertain and excite you.

1. 4.  Be inspired

At times it can feel like you are alone in the world when you are confronting difficulties. You aren’t. Not only are you not alone, but other people have confronted the same issues and have gone on to live exceptional lives. Read a book or watch a movie or a documentary about a person who has overcome great odds. Sometimes all you need is a little perspective and hope to return to an abundant mindset.

1. 5.  Get active

Fake it until you make it. Even if you aren’t feeling generous, act as if you are. Choose to do one nice or helpful thing for someone each day. You will begin to feel more optimistic and positive about your life and the world. Volunteering might be the thing for you. There are countless opportunities to get involved in a cause that interests you; just start looking or asking around.

Want to feel happier and healthier? A healthy and happy life is based on positive and meaningful engagements with those around you. Don’t just hit the gym or book a massage to “feel better”: work on developing an abundant mindset and turn towards those around you and ask, “What can I do today for someone else to make them happy?” You won’t regret it.

Top five benefits of living generously

1. Experience greater levels of happiness.

2. Decrease your risk of cardiovascular disease.

3. Enjoy happier and stronger relationships.

4. Protect yourself against depression.

5. Increase your sense of purpose and meaning in life.

Resources

Want to volunteer? Try these websites:

• Volunteering Australia, volunteeringaustralia.org
• Go Volunteer, govolunteer.com.au
• SEEK Volunteer, volunteer.com.au

Jessica Stead is a freelance writer based in Sydney, Australia. She is passionate about sharing techniques to enhance happiness, hope, healing and wellbeing. To read more of her work, visit her blog at thepresenceofhope.blogspot.com.au or email jessica.s.stead@gmail.com