Change your life through Projection & Reflection
I want to introduce you to a concept that can change your life called projection and reflection. You may have heard of it. It’s a simple technique but it can have a profound effect on changing the elements of yourself that you wish to change and heal past hurts as well. And the great thing is you never outgrow it and it doesn’t cost you a cent.
Most people don’t think too much about their interactions with others. They either like people or they don’t. If they like them they might say gee Caitlin is a great person she’s so bubbly and easy going and generous. If they don’t like them they say things like Joe is really arrogant, he’s so superior and I find that annoying. They similarity here is that both instances were just about the other person with no thought as to what these people are saying about you.
I hear you say, it says nothing about me, it had nothing to do with me it was the other person!
I want to tell you something, any time you react to something in someone else, it is always about you. In fact it’s impossible to see things in other people that we don’t have in ourselves to begin with.
I know this is something you probably don’t want to hear. It takes humility and courage to look at yourself in this way and not just blame the other person (but Joe really is like that). We all see things in others, their good sides and bad but it is when you react to it that it’s a problem. Now you can pretend that next time it happens you aren’t really that upset but you know deep down that you are. The courage is in saying to yourself you know I can be like that too and it’s ok!
If you didn’t have it in you, then you wouldn’t react to Joe being so arrogant. It would be like water off a ducks back. You might cut him some slack wondering if he had a bad day or thinking he must have been treated badly growing up in order to end up so superior. But usually we don’t do this and we react to them, get angry or be annoyed by their treatment of us or others.
Ever notice that how some people just don’t bother you even though others might find them infuriating? We can be very tolerant of people when they are not reflecting our issues to us. When we don’t react it means we are at peace with that part of ourselves and we accept it. The parts we don’t accept and don’t think is ok are the parts we react to in others. We are so angry that those parts are there hiding in our personality and that someone else so brazenly shows it out in the open when we hide it deep inside away from even our own awareness.
But if it wasn’t in you, you wouldn’t see it in them. The great news about this is that the great qualities you see in others are also in you. That caring friend, the likeable colleague, the calm boss, the true leader whatever qualities you are admiring in others are also in you and then it’s just about owning them in a humble way saying wow I have that greatness in me as well as some not so great parts, but that’s ok I’m human. No one can be all good it’s just not human nature.
We get our great and our flawed qualities from our parents and the way they treated us when we were growing up. We internalize the best and the worst from our parents (yikes you say). How could we not being around them and their energy 24 hours a day for at least 18 years?
As we feel hurt by the way we were treated or the way we saw our parents treat each other, we have no choice but to stuff down those qualities that remind us we are like them. Or we can do a complete 180 swing to the opposite behaviour but then we still react as when we see others replicating that behaviour it reminds us of what we experienced ourselves. There’s no escape!
So each time you encounter someone that really gives you the willies you have a chance at healing and changing your life. Instead of blaming Joe or your boss or your parents for your bad day you can turn it around. I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s hard to turn your disdain for someone else around and make it about yourself. But if this person has shaken your inner peace then you owe it to yourself to find out why they have had such an effect on you.
When you do this you take control of your life back into your own hands and every time you take your projections back your self esteem goes up and you change your life for the better.
