Why is it that so many of us feel the need to present ourselves on the exterior in a way that is completely at odds with how we feel on the inside? Do we feel ashamed to express our true selves? Do we feel unworthy in the eyes of the outside world? Whatever the reason, what is the point of trying to appear picture-perfect on the outside if you feel nothing but anguish, anger or bitterness on the inside?

All of us can present a polished life and faultless exterior for a while, but, eventually, if it is a façade, it will all soon become very transparent and lead to ill-health and an exhausting life. So let’s look at six common characteristics of an image-driven life and consider how we might change them into something that supports rather than hinders our health and happiness. If you’re honest, you’re likely to see some, if not all of these, in yourself.

1. Always too busy

Life is busy and fast-paced — hectic to say the least; there is absolutely no denying this. People and families are time poor and everyone is in a hurry, working more than ever. You can choose to see your life as beautifully busy, with all the time you need, or as bedlam and busy, with no time at all.

Perceiving a lack of time can mean you are distracted and lose a true sense of yourself. If perceived lack of time is an issue for you, here are some suggestions to help you get started in achieving some balance.

• Start your day off positively by taking time for yourself to help reduce stress and burnout. Are you able to get up an hour earlier to devote time to you, undisturbed? Or find some time somewhere in your day just for you? Whether you use it for exercise, stretching, meditation or running affirmations through your mind is entirely up to you. Each of these activities will have a positive effect on your day and your health.
• As boring as it may sound, establish a regular routine. Not just things like going to bed and getting up at the same time, but also a work and lifestyle routine. When we have no structure or organisation, we tend to procrastinate and nothing really gets done. This is when anxiety and stress make themselves known. By attempting to maintain a balanced routine, without becoming rigid, you will find that you’re more at ease, have more time and experience an overall sense of peace and wellbeing.
• Think about delegating. What are you able to let go of and hand over to someone else to do? No matter how hard we try, we really are unable to do everything ourselves. It could be as simple as having the kids do some of the household chores or buying your groceries online and having them delivered fresh to your door. Delegation is not a skill we need to learn only at home. It’s a critical business skill that, when cultivated, allows for a healthy work/life balance.
• Make a list and become aware of where you spend most of your time. Are you able to find an area where you could spend less time? If you’re in a position to do so, buy back your time: pay someone else to do the things that take you away from your priorities (cleaning, bookwork, gardening etc).
• Spend less time consuming media. Are you on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube, or downloading the latest app at every possible chance? Are you constantly on Google searching the web? Then see if you’re able to turn off your phone for an hour a day, or at a certain time on particular days. Could you check your emails less frequently? Could the television be turned off? Whatever the solution is, find it and create a system that works for you. Without balance, your life will eventually spiral out of control.
   

2. Seeking outside approval

One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learnt is that we are never truly free until we stop worrying about what other people think of us. We must learn to trust our own opinions — not become trapped trying to live up to other people’s thinking and expectations. If your business or marriage was to fail or you had to sell your house as a result of financial difficulty, would it really matter how other people perceived this? If the answer is yes, you need to evaluate your own sense of worth.

There is absolutely no need to seek the approval of others. Do what feels right for you and give yourself permission to move in the direction your life wants to take you so that you can fulfil your purpose and set yourself free.

3. Materialism defining who you are

Defining who you are solely through materialism is a sure sign that something’s missing from your life. Most people work extremely hard to achieve wealth and they like to reward themselves with new houses, cars, boats, jewellery, holidays and so on. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have and enjoy nice things, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with wanting a comfortable life for yourself and your family. Money can create opportunities and choices, and it sure takes the pressure off having to worry how you’re going to pay the bills and feed the kids.

However, if everything you owned today was taken away from you tomorrow, would you say, “I have nothing. I have lost everything. I no longer have any value or know who I am”? If your answer is yes, it’s obvious that you define yourself by the money you earn, your position or status, and the possessions you own. By doing this, you are living your life from the outside in.

The risk of living like this is that everything you have accumulated can suddenly disappear and be taken away. We just have to look around to see how the economic climate and natural disasters have proven this to be true. Money may be able to buy happiness in the material world, but even those who have the best house, the best car, all the toys and all the money they could ever possibly need are still always wanting more. They are never fully content with what they have, so they keep buying, hoping to strike happiness through materialism. No amount of money can fill that big empty void inside; all it does is provide external satisfaction, not internal happiness.

4. Controlling behaviour

It’s natural to want to control your own life. Most of us like to plan, predict and avoid what we can. However, trying to control and manage the universe and everyone in it is an impossible task.

Overly controlling people are generally easy to spot. They insist on having their way in all interactions — they’ll even answer your questions for you. They like to set the agenda and decide what it is you will do and when you will do it. They can be intimidating and dominating.

If you recognise these traits in yourself, are you able to see how you have become disconnected and separated from your true self and also from others, seeing yourself as different or superior? Are you able to acknowledge your need to control everyone and everything around you? Are you able to work out what it is you’re afraid will happen if you let go of control? Will others not be capable of making decisions for themselves? Try to pinpoint the reason and then question its validity.

Hopefully, you will discover that you’re only doing others harm by being controlling and dominant, as you’re not allowing them to discover their own meaning and purpose to life. You’re also hindering your own growth by constantly focusing your attention in areas that don’t really concern you.

If you’re controlling your children and making all their decisions, imagine all the things you’re both missing out on by not allowing them to discover their own passions and follow their own paths, being who they’re meant to be. If you’re controlling your spouse, your relationship may struggle to survive, as a healthy relationship is all about give and take, not about one bowing down to the other or being controlled by the other.

One day, those around you may get tired of being controlled and you may end up alone. Is such a thought enough for you to wake up and take notice of what impact your controlling behaviour is having on those around you?

5. Negativity & chaos

In basic terms of the metaphysical principle The Law of Attraction is that you attract those things that you think of the most. Like attracts like; positive thinking creates positive lives, just as negative thinking creates negative lives.

Human beings, rocks, plants, animals — everything in the universe — are energy. According to physics, the energy within something determines its vibration, or frequency. The lowest frequencies are produced by unhappiness, negativity and anger at the world. The middle frequency is the state of autopilot, where you just keep doing and creating the same old thing. The highest frequency is happiness: you are in the flow of life and you attract what your heart desires.

All human beings are transmitting energy at every moment (positive/strong/high or negative/weak/low) and other people pick up and take on this energy. When we leave the presence of a person who has positive energy, it makes us feel positive, energised and inspired; but being in the presence of a negative person can leave us feeling negative, exhausted and drained.

If you look for negativity in every circumstance, product, service or person you come across, you will find it — negativity is everywhere if you want it to be. One tool I use when dealing with negative thoughts is to say, “STOP” or “OUT” as soon as they enter my mind. As silly and strange as this may sound, it works. Don’t worry, I too doubted this when I first tried it, but not any more as I know it is very effective. Try it and you’ll notice a significant decrease in the negative chatter of the mind.

6. Perfectionism

Perfectionism is rampant in our society. There is a constant emphasis on achievement and success. It’s human nature to want to do things well. However, perfectionists turn this want into an obsession, as they want to do everything absolutely faultlessly, which can lead to being afraid of making mistakes, as they don’t want to appear imperfect or incompetent.

The quest for perfection creates unrealistic pressure, critical behaviour, and sky-high expectations. Learning to replace perfectionism with excellence can be healthy, as it motivates you to be the best you can be without over-stressing and damaging your health.

If you are a perfectionist, allow yourself to be less rigid and tell yourself it’s OK to make mistakes — they are usually great teaching moments. Learn to be less serious, learn to chill out more and learn how to relax and be still. Breathing techniques, meditation and yoga are all great ways to help you relax. Do something you love, and focus on the fun and enjoyment, as opposed to doing it perfectly. Focus on changing your thought patterns and make sure you tell yourself that no one expects perfection from you. Only you hold this expectation of yourself.

If you are portraying yourself in a way you no longer want to, do something about it and start focusing on how you do want to portray yourself and how you do want your life to be. If you are true to yourself, your life will be real. As Judy Garland put it so perfectly, “Always be a first-rate version of yourself and not a second-rate version of someone else.”

Belinda Anderson is a proud mother of two sons, loving wife, Pilates and meditation teacher, Inspired Spirit life coach and author of Living from the Inside Out, A Guide to Healing and Transforming your Life from Within. W: livingfromtheinsideout.com.au