The secrets of your star sign provide clues as to why you’ll find people born under certain signs generally challenging in relationships. Don’t make the mistake of internally interpreting “challenges” as “bad” — astrology highlights what is, but rarely makes such sweeping statements as labelling people or relationships essentially good or bad. The relationships described below come with a little more friction and tension than usual but, for some people, that’s the fire starter to a passionate love dance.

Of theoretically challenging love matches, astrologer Hedy Damari comments, “The key to making more challenging couplings work is to accept and embrace your respective differences — annoying, mystifying or absurd as they may seem. Acceptance allows you to understand your partner’s machinations and enrich your relationship and life experience by integrating both of your diverse qualities.” This process of acceptance, so powerful in creating harmony in love, is one of the greatest gifts astrology offers as you seek to better understand those around you.

Modalities

Each zodiac sign is divided into groups according to modes or modalities. There are three modalities: cardinal, fixed and mutable, each describing a different mode of operation. Within each modality group there is one sign from each element.

Cardinal signs reflect the start of a new season in the natural world. They are the signs of the equinoxes and solstices. Cardinal signs are the initiators of the zodiac, keen to moved forward in a set direction. The cardinal signs are Aries (fire), Cancer (water), Libra (air) and Capricorn (earth). In relationships, the challenge two cardinal signs together have is around managing a shared desire to be the leader.

Fixed signs symbolise the middle of each season and reflect the steadiness and constancy in the natural world at those times. Fixed signs dislike change and are solidly reliable. The fixed signs are Taurus (earth), Leo (fire), Scorpio (water) and Aquarius (air). In relationships, the challenge with two fixed signs together is managing stubbornness, which, when met with stubbornness, can create an eternal stand-off.

Mutable signs symbolise the end of each season, when the world knows change is a certainty. By nature, mutable signs are flexible, easily adapting to changing circumstances. Mutable signs are Gemini (air), Virgo (earth), Sagittarius (fire) and Pisces (water). In relationships, the challenge with two mutable signs together is managing two easily distracted natures, which can lead to aimlessness rather than progress.

Relationships that pair partners of the same modality are interspersed with periods of friction and adjustment as each partner attempts to accommodate the differences of the other (often highlighted by contrasting elements) in supportive ways. They can be more heated than other pairings. It’s easier to keep the love alive if you can find healthy, conscious ways to express and process frustration within your partnership.

Elements

Zodiac signs are also divided into groups according to elements. The four elements are fire, earth, air and water. Elements show motivation or the reasons why you do something. Your modality shows the way you go about doing something — the how.

Fire signs are Aries, Leo and Sagittarius. Earth signs are Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn. Air signs are Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. Water signs are Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces.

Fire and air signs are yang and generally more extroverted, social and active. Earth and water signs are yin and have introverted, reflective, laid-back qualities. Generally, you’ll get along better with signs that are of the same yin or yang polarity. Pairing up with a mate who’s sign is the opposite to your yin or yang adds tension and conflict.

The following element combinations are usually more challenging because of inherent differences in both the why and how of motivation and desire.

Fire (yang) / Water (yin)

Fire (yang) / Earth (yin)

Air (yang) / Water (yin)

Air (yang) / Earth (yin)

Two of the same

While opposites attract, pairing two people of the same sign often creates a case of too much of a good thing. Together, you can overdo the best — and the worst — of your sign. However, each sign is multi-faceted and full of layers and, if you’re each able to express different qualities within your sign, you’ll find it easier to create balance.

Two fire signs means high energy and high passion but can create challenges around who’s in charge. Discussion is the key to harmony.

Two earth signs shows practicality and sensuality but often creates challenges around whose success matters most. Sharing what’s really going on for each of you helps reveal natural priorities.

Two air signs together creates plenty of conversation but often there’s a disconnect to emotions and the body. Channelling ideas into action creates progress and excitement.

Two water signs together can be full of feelings but sometimes overwhelmingly so. Connecting with the body and the natural world helps you get grounded together.

Sometimes, knowing exactly where someone is coming from helps foster deeper understanding and other times it’s simply double trouble.

Compatibility

Keep in mind that your compatibility according to astrology is fully described by comparing not just your star sign but your Moon, Venus or Mars signs as well. While your star signs might not theoretically make the most compatible match, digging deeper into the astrology of your relationship may show a great connection between your Moon, Venus or Mars, which goes a long way to overcoming any challenges signified by the connections between your star signs.

Astrologer Hedy Damari says, “I know several Virgo/Sagittarius couples — traditionally an ill-suited pair — who have solid, long-standing relationships. Sagittarius helps Virgo worry less while encouraging them to be more spontaneous. In return, Virgo provides the stability and pragmatism Sagittarius needs.” Astrologer and author Jessica Shepherd agrees, describing these theoretically incompatible but practically happy pairings as “ruler breaker relationships”.

No one has all the answers to the mysteries of love but astrology can offer a fresh perspective to help you better understand yourself and those around you, making the game of love easier to play.

Difficult Matches by Element

Fire/Water

Aries/Cancer: This is an intense pairing as both are cardinal signs and can be pushy. Cancer’s sensitivity and sporadic moodiness can frustrate Aries, who wants to stick to decisions. Aries must learn to accommodate the ebb and flow of another’s motivation. As fire, Aries dominates, leaving Cancer wondering if they’ll ever get a say. Clearly defining roles and responsibilities helps this work.

Aries/Scorpio: Scorpio/Aries must channel their energy into shared rather than separate passions. Sharing the same patron planet, Mars, means they can connect through sharing goals and desires. Aries’ act-now-think-later approach puzzles Scorpio, who considers all alternatives before doing anything. Mixing fire and water can create sexy sizzle, though.

Aries/Pisces: Pisces’ daydreaming irritates Aries, who wants to get on with it. Aries can inspire Pisces but, being water, Pisces lacks the energy to connect with Aries in meaningful ways. An each-to-their-own approach helps foster acceptance between these two.

Cancer/Leo: While energetically disconnected (Cancer is cardinal water, while Leo is fixed fire), they share a love of and pride in family. Creative development can feature as Leo helps Cancer express what’s inside them. Their rulers, the Sun and Moon, are cosmic mates and, when they each give each other a place to shine, Cancer and Leo can be content. Cancer can be a dampener for Leo.

Cancer/Sagittarius: Cancer wants to create a home and develop emotional ties, which usually means spending extended periods in one place, while Sagittarius longs for adventure and constantly changing scenery. Energy wise, these two have little in common and significant compromises are required to build a relationship that meets both their needs.

The process of acceptance, so powerful in creating harmony in love, is one of the greatest gifts astrology offers.

Leo/Scorpio: Both fixed signs, these two love passionately and deeply but never forget being hurt or let down. Learning to forgive helps prevent them getting stuck in a stubborn rut. Leo likes to indulge, while Scorpio prefers to control their resources and working out spending and lifestyle habits is a must before bliss is possible.

Leo/Pisces: Potentially creative, Pisces helps Leo channel their desire for attention into something that serves others. Happiness depends on Leo’s willingness to share the spotlight. Energetically different, Pisces helps Leo go with the flow and relax a little. Leo can be rigid and at times Pisces finds constantly adapting tiring, but at others, Pisces welcomes the stability Leo offers.

Scorpio/Sagittarius: These two primarily operate on different wavelengths. Sagittarius’s desire for movement and change is in stark contrast to the Scorpio need for stability and continuity. They both enjoy adventure but need to learn to honour each other’s differing needs around how to pursue it.

Sagittarius/Pisces: These two share similar big-picture perspectives via their common planetary ruler Jupiter. A love of discovery connects them, even as their preferences create separation — Pisces seeks connection with others through spiritual forms, while Sagittarius seeks a partner with whom to explore the wonders of the natural world.

Fire/Earth

Aries/Taurus: A mismatch of pace between Aries (fast) and Taurus (slow) can create tension. Aries can tire Taurus out, though if they allow each other to be themselves, fixed Taurus helps Aries relax and enjoy life, while cardinal Aries can inspire productivity and assertiveness in Taurus. Allowing each other to move at their own pace is a must.

Aries/Virgo: These two share a shadow connection that can help them use the best of their individual skills to plan (Virgo) and act (Aries). For Virgo, Aries’ impulsiveness may be too unpredictable for them to ever really get comfortable. Virgo’s attention to detail may frustrate Aries, who prefers an impulsive approach. They need to avoid nitpicking each other.

Aries/Capricorn: While both are cardinal signs, Capricorn’s love of future planning can be irritating for Aries, who prefers to live in the moment. Dividing responsibilities into short- and long-term tasks can help. They are equally determined but have different priorities. Aries’ impatience can frustrate Capricorn.

Taurus/Leo: Both being of the fixed mode makes each sign a demanding partner and shows the growth of their relationship can periodically stall if neither is prepared to give in. Leo can help Taurus channel their awareness of the physical world into artistic avenues if Taurus stops resisting input. A shared love of quality and luxury can break the budget, so learning to enjoy life within limits helps preserve their future together.

In relationships, the challenge two cardinal signs together have is around managing a shared desire to be the leader.

Taurus/Sagittarius: A Taurus/Sagittarius link is one of those connections astrologer and author Jessica Shepherd refers to as a “rule breaker relationship” — in theory, fixed Taurus’s need for stability clashes with mutable Sagittarius’s desire for adventure but sometimes the opposites-attract principle helps these two discover a fascination for each other that helps them overcome their differences.

Leo/Virgo: Virgo’s detailed approach can be interpreted as criticism by sensitive Leo. Leo loves positive feedback from others and Virgo offers truth and practicality, which Leo doesn’t always want. Fixed Leo can dig their heels in, leaving Virgo to adjust around them. Virgo needs to learn to stick to their guns with things that really matter.

Leo/Capricorn: Capricorn helps Leo get grounded to achieve and together they can be a dynamic and powerful duo. Capricorn doesn’t mind working hard but won’t always want to take a back seat to Leo, who loves the spotlight. Capricorn has a frugal way of living that differs from Leo’s love of the good life.

Virgo/Sagittarius: Sagittarius’s thirst for excitement can leave Virgo feeling left behind or as though their efforts to plan and organise don’t matter. Virgos earthy love of routine and order can bore Sagittarius (fire), who prefers to try new things and experiment. Both being mutable means they can accommodate each other’s desires fairly easily.

Sagittarius/Capricorn: These two share a different value system. Capricorn seeks achievement and worldly success while Sagittarius wants freedom and to enjoy life. As cardinal, Capricorn is focused while mutable Sagittarius is spontaneous. Sagittarius shows Capricorn how to lighten up and fly by the seat of their pants. Capricorn can show Sagittarius commitment has its upsides.

Earth/Air

Taurus/Libra: They share a connection through their common ruler Venus and this can be a loving, affectionate partnership, especially when each has their own creative passions to pursue. Taurus is slow and likes to experience things physically while Libra likes to keep moving and stay talking.

Taurus/Aquarius: They make an unusual combination. Aquarius is more social and worldly than Taurus. Accepting each other’s different viewpoints is a must for this to work. As both are stubborn, stand-offs can ensue when neither wants to concede.

Gemini/Taurus: Mutable Gemini prefers movement and new experiences while fixed Taurus like to revisit the same places, which Gemini can find boring. This match has a sibling-like quality to it and if Taurus is OK with constant company these two can find a path to romantic bliss.

Gemini/Capricorn: Capricorn’s ambition can seem like hard work for fun-loving Gemini but Gemini offers Capricorn a supportive network outside work. Gemini’s social, flirty nature can be uncomfortable for Capricorn, who’s shy with their feelings with friends and lovers. Keeping some topics for each other’s ears only helps build trust.

Gemini/Virgo: These signs connect through shared rulership of their patron planet Mercury, as well as both being mutable, showing that communication is the key to love bliss here. Gemini’s flighty ways can be problematic for Virgo, who looks for steadiness and reliability in a partner. A love of details and networking can bring these two into harmony.

Virgo/Libra: Libra’s diplomatic way can be hard for Virgo to understand. Virgo can be blunt and precise while Libra never wavers from creating harmony. Learning to negotiate challenges/differences of opinion is a must. Virgo’s focus on perfection can be hard for Libra to take. A love of order and Beauty can provide common ground.

Virgo/Aquarius: This combination is quite heady and can be disconnected emotionally. Aquarius’s rigid approach to ideas and communication can be difficult for Virgo, who likes to adapt and make improvements as new information and products become available. A shared love of analysing and gadgets helps them bond.

Capricorn/Libra: Both cardinal signs, they are focused on success but for different reasons. Libra puts relationships first while Capricorn focuses on professional advancement. Finding time for both can be hard as these type A personalities do not like to concede in their preferred areas.

Capricorn/Aquarius: Like most signs that fall side by side in the zodiac, these two have little in common. Both are sophisticated and share a love of worldly life. Aquarius must understand Capricorn’s hardworking ways; Capricorn needs to learn to focus on creating success for others, not just themselves.

Air/Water

Gemini/Cancer: Water sign Cancer has a moody side that Gemini has trouble understanding. Cancer loves home; Gemini loves to socialise. Hosting friends can be a way to connect. Gemini needs to talk and Cancer has trouble verbalising, which can make it hard to understand each other.

Together, you can overdo the best — and the worst — of your sign.

Gemini/Scorpio: This is a case of opposites attract as intense, steady Scorpio is many things that flighty, curious Gemini isn’t. Scorpio gives nothing away while Gemini needs to discuss everything. Agreeing on what to talk about, and what not to, helps them create relationship bliss. Working together, they know more than most couples.

Gemini/Pisces: Pisces is spiritual and Gemini is verbal. Finding a common language is their biggest barrier but, once they do, they’ll enjoy togetherness. Entering each other’s environment shows they care, even if what they find isn’t for them. Both mutable, they can drift through life without a clear direction.

Cancer/Libra: Being ruled by the Moon and Venus respectively means these two, while being deeply affectionate, have trouble being direct about what they want, which can create misunderstandings. Both cardinal, they share a love of progress. They connect through love of family and relationships, and focusing on these areas of life helps them bond.

Cancer/Aquarius: A blend of cardinal water (Cancer) and fixed air (Aquarius) means these signs have no common energy. Cancer is constantly pulled out of their comfort zone and into new settings by quirky Aquarius. Being unpredictable by nature makes Aquarius a partner who makes Cancer feel nervous. Cancers loving ways can seem clingy to independent Aquarius. Acceptance of differences is a must for love to grow.

Libra/Scorpio: Scorpio is private and prefers to keep feelings close to their chest, leaving Libra feel left out in the cold. Scorpio loves to be in control and Libra likes to keep others happy. While this sounds workable, it’s rarely sustainable long term. Scorpio must give Libra room to chose for themselves, otherwise any dependence that arises can create an imbalance of power.

Libra/Pisces: These two are connected by a shadow link that helps them understand each other unconsciously. Trying to communicate consciously can be challenging as Pisces expresses through creative means, while Libra likes to verbalise. Attempting to avoid hurting each other can mean nothing happens but, when they find the right balance, it’s pure romance.

Scorpio/Aquarius: As two fixed signs, together they take their time, especially with major decisions. Aquarius considers learning and social potential priorities while Scorpio is interested in persevering and intensifying the status quo. A clash between emotion (Scorpio) and intellectual life (Aquarius) requires effort to balance.

Aquarius/Pisces: Their connection to the world around them proves a great connector to each other but Pisces’ sensitivity can be hard for detached Aquarius to take. Finding acceptance of how different they both are means this relationship can fill unspoken needs they each have.