There are certain predictable things in life. Like clockwork, the Sun will always rise and set, and there will always be laundry to sort and dishes to do. But what about love? Is there a way to track the cycles of love in all its stages — from the first bloom of romance to the challenges you might face with intimacy? Is it possible to know when you have a higher likelihood of falling in love, and thus can get ready for love?

To all of the above: yes. I have some experience here. I devoted several years to drawing love into my life by using various methods: magic, spirituality, the law of attraction and astrology. It worked — I wrote a “how-to” book about it. The cycles of love and relationship continue to fascinate me. I’m a Libra Rising with Venus and Mercury in Cancer conjunct my Midheavean — astrological shorthand for saying, “I’ve got a keen interest in soulful relationships, I’ve got tips and I like to share them.”

Getting ready for love

One day while on a walk, I did a little experiment. I had just taken a class with a self-help teacher who had us do a visualisation exercise. In this visualisation, we were instructed to get into a relaxed inner place and then project our self onto an imaginary timeline with placeholders for the big events that had already occurred, while allowing future events to easily and seamlessly fall into place.

I hadn’t had time to do the exercise in class so I decided to try it just then, on the spot, with a specific question: when will I meet my soul mate? I was 30 at the time and, as I envisioned all the events of my life that had already occurred, a new marker effortlessly slid in, around age 32. I got that “just right” feeling in my gut, so I trusted it. Even though 32 seemed far away, I figured that I needed the time leading in to prepare for love’s imminent arrival.

Determined to become the right person for soulful love to find me, I intentionally made my life a living prayer to love.

My timing was uncanny. Soon Saturn, planet of patience, vows and hard work, would transit my Venus, my chart ruler. With Saturn as my love coach, I got to work.

Over the next few years, I got really, sometimes uncomfortably, intimate with my unhealthy relationship patterns. I regarded everyone I met as a teacher, as someone who was there to bring me closer to my soul mate. If they weren’t my perfect match, I regarded them as a stepping stone and appreciated that the desirable qualities that drew me to them were bringing me closer to my partner.

I consciously nourished my Venus by filling my consciousness with acts of beauty, pleasure and self-love. Determined to become the right person for soulful love to find me, I intentionally made my life a living prayer to love. This was more than just a journey to find my soul mate — I was building a foundation for self-love.

In a spirit of play, I began experimenting with magic. In my chart, natal Mercury, the alchemist and magician, conjoins Venus. I found myself studying philosopher Marsilio Ficino, planting flowers according to their planetary properties, writing and performing love spells and reciting mantras.

Personal cycles

I knew Saturn would reward me if I committed to doing Saturn-Venus work, because Saturn always rewards action. But when?

Quick- versus slow-moving planet transits are essentially the difference between a Friday office flirtation and a life-changing relationship.

To work this out, I consulted my astrological chart and ephemeris. Jupiter in Libra would cross over my Ascendant, trine my 5th House of True Love and conjunct its ruler, Uranus, during the middle of 2005. I had been watching that transit for a long time because I knew the propensity for Jupiter-Uranus contacts, when associated with relationship houses and planets, to introduce surprising new love developments. Plus, a few months later, progressed Venus would sextile my natal Cancer Sun, which my progressed Moon would also conjoin. My progressed Mars was also well on its way to squaring my natal Venus. All of these are classic relationship aspects.

Right on time, as Jupiter passed over my Ascendant, my future husband asked me on a date. I said yes. And, again, right in tune with the progressed Moon conjoining my natal Sun six months later, I would say yes when he was down on one knee proposing.

I had prepared; I had never been more ready for love. I had done Saturn’s work to receive Venus’ and Jupiter’s blessings. We were married that same year. We’ve been together now for more than a decade, and each year that passes our blissful love deepens.

How will you prepare for love? How can you use astrology to deepen the love you have? All of astrology is your playground, and here are some of my tools for you to experiment with.

Chasing Venus: fast-moving transits

Relationships are symbolised by the Goddess of Love, Venus, so when you’re looking for love cycles, Venus stimulation should naturally catch your eye, whether by transit or progression.

But not all Venus transits are created equal; the speed at which a moving planet travels matters. Imagine that an attractive co-worker flirts with you at work. This isn’t a daily event, so what gives? Consulting your ephemeris, you discover transiting Mars is trine your Venus. Va-va-voom, you’re sending out magnetic vibes and the universe is responding with a playful wink.

In this example, you’ve just observed how an inner planet transit (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars) to natal Venus will feel: enjoyable, perhaps flattering (Mars), maybe chatty (Mercury), but also potentially fleeting, because fast-moving transits are exactly that — quick — and so they lack longevity. That is, unless they stimulate an outer planet transit to your chart. Imagine that same co-worker asked you out on a date and you two begin a year-long relationship. That’s how an outer planet transit, of Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune or Pluto, to your Venus can feel: substantial and life-changing.

When you remove all the obstacles to self-love, you clear the way for love to find you.

Quick- versus slow-moving planet transits are essentially the difference between a Friday office flirtation and a life-changing relationship. The slow planetary transits are the movers and shakers of growth; but a fast transit will often trigger a slower transit to show up. How to use this knowledge? Remember that each has its purpose.

Use the faster-moving Venus transits for working love spells (more on those later), planning a romantic date or doing something nice for yourself. Then, use slower-moving transits to orient you toward big changes. If you are looking for partnership activity with gravitas, look to the progressions and slower-moving planetary transits to your natal Venus.

Progressions

Outer planet transits and progressions, or a combination of both, are the bread and butter of timing significant relationships.

While transits relate to the actual position of the moving planets in the sky, secondary progressions are “symbolic transits”, in that they follow a symbolic passage of time. Without going into methodology (astro.com will calculate yours for you), these are very slow moving and so very profound (see The Planets, Progressions & You on p110 for more on progressions).

An aspect from progressed Venus to your natal Sun fuses your relationship ideals with your deepest personal values, and often brings a partner who closely mirrors yours. This is the mother lode of love progressions. Venus-Mars progressions are similarly coveted for their spicy, sensual and sexual nature. Imagine the dynamic interplay of yin and yang between two tango dancers. Feel your temperature rising? With a Mars-Venus aspect, you will!

Another notable trigger is progressed Moon moving through the 7th House. It’s common to find yourself at a crossroad in your relationship during this period. Communication about differing needs, and counselling, both help.

Slow-moving transits to Venus

If you’re experiencing a transit to your Venus from a slow-moving planet, other people are catalysts in your current evolution. They may be romantic partners, or not — a friend or teacher can rock your world. And, since the most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself, remember: relationship cycles illuminate how you relate to you.

Here are some of the likely possibilities when different planets transit or activate your Venus:

Jupiter-Venus

Constructive: new-found freedoms discovered through others; growth and expansion in partnership; experiences of luxury, generosity, grace and Beauty in love; material, physical and/or spiritual expansion through partnership; new relationship experiences and more relationship opportunities in general.

Challenging: idealism about love; overestimation of what another can bring or give to you; poor judgement (rose-coloured glasses syndrome); freedom from a committed relationship (restlessness and dissatisfaction, wanting more, leads to ending a relationship that needs to end); two partners in a relationship who have different ideas of what expansion and growth mean for them, and how to accommodate these.

Saturn-Venus

Constructive: identifying relationship fears and blockages; recognition that you’ve outgrown a relationship(s) or style of relating; creating satisfying roles and obligations within a partnership; taking a vow or making a commitment to love and self-love; addressing imbalances of mutual respect and honouring; restructuring of personal space; creating rock-solid self-esteem; clarity around intimacy issues and maturing of the relating principle.

Challenging: facing trust and abandonment issues; undesirable social expectations; dutiful obligations to others; unwanted but necessary solitude; feeling lonely; pleasure is hard to come by; outgrowing a precious relationship; endings.

Uranus-Venus

Constructive: refreshing of love and relationship bonds; honouring the need for a change of pace in areas of eroticism, pleasure, sensuality; openness to experimenting with new sources of inspiration; surprising “out of the blue” attractions that lead to authentic and awake relating; making more space for new-found freedoms and joys both within and outside of committed partnership.

Challenging: divorce or separation from partners who don’t match the “real” you; encountering people who care more about their freedom than you; erratic or unstable partners who take liberties with trust and respect; confusing pent-up frustration, or feeling restrained by committed partnership, addressing honestly what you need to do to awaken “the magic” again for both of you.

Neptune-Venus

Constructive: bonds that transcend time and space; shared spiritual experiences; spiritual friends who open doorways to new consciousness and awareness; experiences of divine love (agape); sharing a spiritual vision or having yours validated by another; shattering your illusions about a partner and developing more realistic expectations; empathic connection.

Challenging: fantasy-based relationships; partnering with others who are deceptive about or unclear in their motives with you; getting caught up in overly emotional love dramas; co-dependency; surrendering an impossible relationship; the spiritualising impact of the loss of a loved one; the cycle of losing/turning away from/losing and finding faith in love again.

Pluto-Venus

Constructive: emotional honesty and transparency with intimacy; intense connections; the healing power of sharing your secrets, fears and wounds with others; the necessity of creating boundaries based on mutual honour and respect; protecting one another’s privacy; healing ancestral wounds through female lineage; exploring taboo or rejected desires; the psychological excavation and renewal of self-worth and sensual body image; regenerating the love, self-worth and relatedness principle.

Challenging: facing one’s shadow in intimacy; power struggles; process of death and rebirth vis à vis others; dark night of the soul in relationship (experiencing alienation from sensual self, lack of connection to others, erotic desirelessness, fears of not being able to trust or love again).

About those aspects …

What’s the difference between the classically hard aspects, like the conjunction, square and opposition versus the softer trine or sextile?

Hard aspects can exhibit more of the challenging expressions of the two planets involved; however, that’s not always the case. People can and do fall in love under Venus squares. Squares bring activity, energy and new choices. All aspects are an opportunity for integration.

Astrological houses & house rulerships

There are several astrological houses, or areas of life, frequently considered in connection to relationship: the 5th, 7th and 8th and sometimes the 4th. Transits of the outer planets to these houses will bring activity, as will transits to the ruler of these houses.

To give a personal example, with Aquarius, ruled by Uranus, on my 5th House cusp, transits to my 5th House, or Uranus, bring significant love activity that has the qualities of Uranus: sudden, awakening, surprising. The 5th House is notorious for ushering in “love is in the air” energy. Try it yourself: list dates of your significant relationships and what was happening to your 5th House, or 5th House ruler, when it first began.

Here are some of the possibilities likely when outer planets transit to each of these houses:

• 5th House transits: the arrival of “true love”; a season of dating; exploring oneself through romantic partnering; romantic risk-taking; courtship; fascination; potential for short-term or karmic partnerships that revive and open your heart.
• 7th House transits: new relationship energy and partners available (look to the transiting planet for its quality); earning each other’s trust; renegotiating your relationship roles with a partner; freshening up communication lines; making vows.
• 8th House transits: honesty about intimacy and sexual issues; a need to stoke passion; sexual frustration; joining financial resources; psychotherapy; separations.
• 4th House transits: introduction of new energy in the Home or family (look to transiting planet for its quality); building a home life together; moving.

Eclipses & love cycles

Eclipses bring new beginnings and endings and occur in approximately 9½- and 18-year cycles.

Write down the beginning and end dates of all your significant relationships and look to see where they fall on the eclipse calendar. While not 100 per cent fool-proof (some people’s relationships are indeed all over the board), this technique can be eerily accurate.

For instance, you may discover that every major partnership has occurred for you during the Aries-Libra eclipse season, or that every major breakup happens during Leo-Aquarius eclipse season.

Venus retrograde

Venus retrograde is one of those wonky periods where the course of true love does not run smoothly. It’s something to be aware of. While you can learn a lot about yourself through relationships during this time, self-love and getting clear on your truest desires and values is better supported. New beginnings are not.

Love spells

One of the more fun ways of working with relationship cycles is by playing with the faster-moving transits and Moon phases, especially New or Full Moons, through spellwork. When deciding which Moon phase to use, opt for the New Moon for new beginnings, like drawing in new love, and the Full Moon for illumination or resolution of a heart matter. I’ve found all love matters respond to magic done in a spirit of playful non-attachment and joyful, positive expectancy.

Virtually any Venus intention, from bringing more joy and self-love into your life to attracting a new love or reviving the magic in your existing relationship, is aided by Venus spellwork. Try creating your own spell using the guidelines given below.

DIY love spells

Here is a simple formula for custom-designing your own spell. Once you pick a date and time, just add candles, your favourite objects and an intention.

1. Have your birth chart.
2. Purchase a pocket astrologer or Moon phase calendar.
3. Know the Moon signs and phases and their uses. Waxing moons are better for growing-love wishes, waning moons for letting go of habits and attachments.
4. Identify the planetary day of the week. Friday, “Freya day”, is a good one for love.
5. Look for a lunation (New or Full Moon) occurring in your Venus sign.
6. Look for a lunation (New or Full Moon) that spans your relationship houses.

Advanced tips:

1. Work with general and personal transits.
2. Use planetary hours (software is available online).

If you’d like more spell ideas, consult my book A Love Alchemist’s Notebook: Magical Secrets for Drawing Your True Love Into Your Life.

Get prepared

Despite all of the divine timing tools you now have in your hands, love remains mysterious and surprising. In all matters of the heart, like a lover, I suspect that the art of divining love is more susceptible to sweet-talk and careful loving attention than you might think.

You may not have control over when love walks into your life, but you can choose to make the most of every growth opportunity you see in your birth chart to open to love. Instead of, “When will I find love?”, you might ask, “How can I best use this period or transit to prepare for love?”

If you hit speed bumps in your long-term partnership, you might ask, “What does this planetary cycle want from me?” Instead of asking the Love Goddess to deliver yummy goodies and connections, you might try asking Venus, guardian of self-esteem, joy and self-love, “What can I do for you?”

And remember, no matter what stage of love you find yourself in, you can always take comfort in this universal truth: when you remove all the obstacles to self-love, you clear the way for love to find you.