Women: overworked
Women suffer from a variety of issues that vary considerably from those of men. Some would say that it’s almost as if we live on two different planets in different mind spaces. Indeed it would seem so. Over the years, I have had women coming to the clinic for many similar issues in terms of relationships, partners, love, affection and romance … or rather lack of these things.
By far the greatest complaint I have had regarding women’s issues with their relationship is that the men do not listen to them and do not communicate with them.
Women have been accused of everything from nagging to letting themselves go while the men seem to drift on in a mindless haze of coming home from work when they please, taking time out to have a beer, having their head stuck in the footy and occasionally helping bathe the children whilst talking about it as if they have done a huge chore.
On the other hand, women in today’s lifestyle seem to be rushing to get the kids off in the morning, running to work, getting the groceries, racing home to cook, helping with homework, doing the washing, ironing and cleaning (still surprisingly many women do more than their half share in this), and finally stopping at 9pm when the washing up is done and the kids are almost in bed.
Whilst it is true that there are men who do help with the chores, I am surprised that there is often still a lack of equality between the sexes in terms of looking after household responsibilities. Often, despite the fact that we have many women in the workforce, men are still not rallying and doing their half-share of everything. What is even worse is that many women are not even asking them to pull their weight. Many women feel guilty and are still mind-trapped in old-fashioned roles that should have died years ago, where the woman looked after the house. Unfortunately, there are also many men out there who hold the same belief, who have been over-nurtured by over-protective mothers who don’t let their darling sons cook, clean or wash up – yet come to counselling because the kids are still at home in their twenties and the workload is too much for mum after she has done a day’s work at the office and has to cook tea for her two now-grown sons and hubby.
Often, despite the fact that we have many women in the workforce, men are still not rallying and doing their half-share of everything.
If this is the scenario at your house and you want it to change, then you are the one who must take action. If you continue to enable your family by running around doing everything for them, then it is you who is making this difficult for yourself. Women are often trapped into the role of playing super-woman and, in doing that, forget to be feminine. The sad part about this is that, when this happens, the men begin to react and do not find her as attractive and the romance begins to go out of the relationship.
I often have visiting the clinic overwhelmed, guilt-ridden women who are bending over backwards to do their best for the family. They are as miserable as anything in a relationship that has become a merry-go-round of work at home, work at work and collapse into bed. The fun and romance is gone out of the relationship – not to even mention the passion – and they don’t know what to do. After weeks of this merry-go-round they don’t even want or feel like sex. I have one word for them: stop!
Stop enabling people to take advantage of you, whether they be your children, your partner, your parents or your friend. When you stop, you may find that other people react. It’s OK. They will get used to it. You will begin to have more energy, more confidence and you will feel more appreciated when you do things for others, and more loved. You will not be as resentful or angry or even feel as guilty after a while.
All this is a pattern which may need to change and you may need help with that. Your counsellor, therapist or practitioner is the best person to help you with that. Not your friends, partner or work colleagues. They can only offer advice from their perception and experience. Patterns change best when you have a trained, objective professional helping you with them. Change is difficult and sometimes awkward but, if you don’t do it, then things will always be the same and, before you know it, you will be 70, your kids will be grown, you will be a grandma and you will wonder where your life has gone. The time to be happy is now; the time to have fun is now! Live in the moment.
Next time, to be fair to both sexes, I will write an article on men’s issues and how, from their perspective, relationships could be better.
