Healthy personal limits are important for a better life

Healthy personal limits are important in your life because they can make your life easier. Healthy personal limits are called boundaries and are a way of protecting ourselves in relationships. They are invisible lines that can guide us how to interact in a healthy way with others. They help us have mutual respect for each other. Healthy personal limits are important in all areas of our life if we want healthy relationships. Setting and respecting personal limits is essential to fostering mutual respect, communication, and emotional well-being.

What are healthy personal limits?

Healthy personal limits are the limits we set up to define what is acceptable and unacceptable in our lives. These boundaries however are not emotional walls or designed to push others away. They are about taking responsibility for our own emotional well-being while respecting the feelings of others. Boundaries help to establish where one person ends and another begins, creating a sense of individuality within a relationship.

Also remember that to set a healthy boundary you do not need to be aggressive. Assertiveness is about expressing your needs and feelings in a respectful, clear, and confident manner. It is not about being aggressive or demanding. Aggression can violate other people’s personal limits and bring more conflict. Practicing assertiveness though helps you stand up for yourself without undermining the other person’s dignity.

What are the types of healthy personal limits in our lives?

Firstly, there are physical personal limits which are concerned about your personal space and physical touch. For example, you may not be the type of person that hugs. Or you may be uncomfortable in certain situations with other. Emotional boundaries are important for respecting each other’s feelings and emotional experiences. For example, not overwhelming people by taking on their emotional burdens. Also not allowing others to tell you how you should feel about something. Mental boundaries are being able to have the freedom for your own thoughts, opinions, and beliefs as well as respecting other’s perspectives. Realising is OK to disagree on a subject.

Add to these personal limits concerning time which is about how you prioritise your time and energy. This could include setting limits on taking time out for yourself when you need it and also how much time you spend with others. Then come the financial boundaries are about how you handle your money and maybe even your possessions and setting limits on what you are willing to share with others and what is personally yours. This can also apply to your resources be it in your family life or in your career.

Why are healthy personal limits important?

The importance of boundaries is for several reasons. The first is about respect for yourself and in your relationships. When we set clear boundaries, we communicate that we value ourselves and that we expect the same from others. It ensures that no one takes advantage of us and lets them know that they are in a safe relationship where you also will not take advantage of them.

This sets up a mutual protection of our mental and emotional health so we don’t let other people drain us, overwhelm or emotionally burden us. In turn we have respect for others and don’t do this to them. This makes for healthier relationships. It means you won’t start to feel burnt out and resentful because you say ‘yes’ all the time when really you mean ‘no’. This gives you and others space to recharge and process your feelings on things and creates better emotional balance.

Do you know what it means to be co-dependent? Co-dependency is when you lose your individuality so much that you get tangled up in other people’s lives so much that you lose who you are as a person in a sense. This creates unhealthy patters where people become so reliant on the other person too much for support and approval and takes away your own personal independence.

What can this do for me?

Good personal limits are important as they help make for clear and honest communication. They let you say what you need and what your limits are so that less misunderstanding will occur between you and others. This means you are free to speak honestly to others and so are they and leads to a greater respect for each other giving the other person and yourself a chance to grow and deepen your relationship. It means you and others are freer to pursue your goals and interests, will feel less guilty because you are compromising yourself to prioritise other people’s needs. This in turn helps you have better self-esteem.

When other people see these qualities in you it builds a greater sense of trust between you and them in your relationship. Both people feel safe in the relationship to be the person they are, to be authentic. However, this does not mean that disagreements will not occur. Of course, other people will often think differently to you and that’s OK. When the boundaries are clear it is easier to resolve disagreements. People can communicate their feelings in a more constructive way. Conflict can be sorted out without hurtful screaming matches or arguments which are emotionally damaging.

So how do I do this?

Firstly, it’s important to know your limits. Become aware of your needs, preferences, and limits. Recognise when you feel uncomfortable, drained, or overwhelmed. Be honest with yourself about what you can do and what you can’t do and communicate that clearly to people around you. This means saying what you need openly and clearly without guilt.

For example, if you need time alone after a busy day, tell your partner or family. In this way you let people around you know what is acceptable for you and what is not acceptable. It’s OK to say ‘no’ if something doesn’t fit in with your needs or priorities. It’s Ok to prioritise your own well-being and it’s also important to be consistent in that. Once you set a boundary you need to uphold it even if you feel a bit uncomfortable because that lets other people come to understand you better.

At the same time, it is importance to respect other people’s personal limits. Be aware of their verbal and non-verbal language to ensure that you are not crossing their boundaries. This makes for mutual respect. Just as you want to be respected other people deserve the same acknowledgement.

For more information on relationships and healing check out my blog from 2013 on this link https://www.wellbeing.com.au/kinship/relationships/relationships-and-healing.html

Different healthy personal limits for different situations

There ae different types of personal limits in different types of relationships. This can often become confusing for many people. You will act differently obviously with your partner than with your family or friends. Every relationship has different context and dynamics. It is important that you become aware of who you are as a person in each of these relationships. This lets you establish a firm foundation for yourself and others that you care about.

So, if you find establishing healthy personal limits challenging start by looking at what you need for your self-care and self-respect and work out what you can do to strengthen your relationships and personal growth from your standpoint. Start to set clear boundaries and communicate them to others whilst taking into account and weighing up what they tell you they need also. Be honest, open and respectful in your communication and this will start to make for more harmonious relationships that will nurture your well-being and that of the people around you.

If setting healthy personal limits are something new in your life and you find them difficult to establish or maintain seek support from a therapist or counsellor. Find more information on this at www.stressfreehealthmanagement.com. A therapist can offer guidance on how to communicate your needs and help you work through any challenges you may face in asserting yourself. Of course, remember that you can always re assess and adjust your boundaries when you need to because boundaries are not static. They change as relationships change. That’s why it’s important to re assess your boundaries, especially in long-term relationships. Your needs may shift and so may the other persons so it’s important to be flexible and adjust those boundaries when necessary. (Pic thanks to Therese Reyes from Burst)