Forgive yourself and others
Forgive others and yourself and move on. That is what everyone tells us to but that is not always an easy thing to do. Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the hurt and pain other people have caused you or the mistakes you have made in your life. These hurt and they leave their mark but it’s important to forgive because it will affect your health if don’t forgive.
Your emotions, mind and body will all be affected if you do not move on from the hurts that others have caused you. When you forgive, the emotion reverberates through your energy and has repercussions on all levels for you and for the person you forgive. If you don’t forgive, those negative emotions will drag you down. They lodge in your psyche and affect you, even physically.
Forgiveness will bring you back some of the energy that the pain stole from you and bring lightness back into your body.
Remember that in every relationship there are two people. The other one and you and if you put the responsibility of whatever the issue was back on yourself you will become empowered. If someone has wronged you in some way, take a good hard look at what you did to let them get away with it. Often you may find you were too easygoing in your attitude towards them, or you trusted them too much, or you gave them credit where it was not due. Yes they may have cheated you and no longer deserve your friendship, trust or respect but it is you who has the choice whether to walk away and forgive or keep that poison inside you to play on your mind and emotions and make you ill. Forgiveness will bring you back some of the energy that the pain stole from you and bring lightness back into your body.
Many of my clients have some deep sad stories of grief and loss and have suffered for some time due to past events. One lady who comes to mind is in her 70s and still grieves daily over the abuse and lack of love she received as a child. She has carried this scar for her whole life and it has coloured how she has brought up her children, how she treated her husband and how she relates to people, even now. She is unable to move on, unable to forgive and let go.
Remember, forgiving does not condone the action. It’s not saying, ‘It’s OK for you to hurt me.’ It’s saying that the event is in the past and that you choose to forgive because this sad, low event is so bad it does not deserve any more of your energy or your life to dwell on it. It’s saying you are taking back your power and getting that event or person out of your life and moving to something more positive and loving. That is a huge part of what forgiveness is about.
Often it is also important to forgive yourself. To forgive yourself for the blame, guilt, shame that you may feel for your part in the event. Remember, you are human, we all are, and that leaves us open to make mistakes in our journey. The important thing is to not keep making them, over and over again. If you don’t forgive, you are keeping the fire burning with hatred, regret, guilt, shame. All the negative emotions that keep us stuck.
If you don’t forgive, you are keeping the fire burning with hatred, regret, guilt, shame.
A daily practice may be needed to start you on the path to forgive. It may be a good idea to bring some gentleness into your day; some time for reflection and meditation, even if it’s only 20 minutes. You can start by reflecting on what happened. Yes, go there and take a step back. Take a look at what actually happened and how YOU reacted. How could you have reacted differently perhaps? Could you have run away, walked out, reported the bully, moved jobs, moved house? What did you do to put yourself in that situation? Were you in the wrong place at the wrong time? Did someone abuse you and you never spoke up? Or did you speak up and no-one listened? For this last time, have a good look at the situation then tell yourself you are putting that poison where it belongs: down the toilet so to speak. Promise yourself you will never again beat up that beautiful gift of spirit which you were given, that you will never again visit those negative emotions and thoughts and that you will let go. Meditate on that. Take some time out to see a therapist or counsellor to help you with that if you need to and then…move on.
At first, these actions of revisiting a situation may be overwhelming. You may find that this last honest visit becomes too much for you. Use a journal to get those emotions out. Write down how you feel, your thoughts, your memories. Remember, only you will see your journal so be honest. Then begin the process of nurturing and love; love for yourself, acknowledging the person that you are by looking at your strengths. Take enough rest and have a bath in Lectic soda to clean your energy field. Wear rose, gardenia or frankincense oil to heighten your energy field and regulate some hormones and spend some time grounding and doing things you love to do. Work in the Garden, play some uplifting music, have a nice warm cuppa, play with trying a new hairstyle, wear your favourite clothes. All of these things will uplift you. Meditate and pray – for yourself and for the other people involved and maybe also for the whole situation. Over time, you will forgive and you will find the negative energy you have released has made way for a beautiful and better life.
