Yoga teacher training – part 2

Two weeks into my yoga teacher training and I’ve hit a wall of sorts. As much as I try to work deeper into the asanas, some of them seem practically impossible. To top off my despair we are starting vinyasa flow yoga, our hatha yoga schedule completed.

Now I don’t have anything against vinyasa flow yoga, I just know in life (and physicality) I am more the slow-and-steady kind of girl.  Hatha yoga and yin yoga are generally my cup of tea! Putting my personal preferences aside I put my whole heart into our first vinyasa flow class. At the end of the class I flee to my now not-so-sunny feeling hut and have a good cry in the shower.

The feeling of failure creeps up on me.  I was doing so well for the first two weeks. I felt like I was achieving something every single moment.  Now I feel broken.  For the rest of the day I avoid conversation with my classmates and turn my focus inwards. That night I toss and turn, asking myself if I can complete two weeks of vinyasa flow?

At the end of the class I flee to my now not-so-sunny feeling hut and have a good cry in the shower.

With my mind firmly made up after many hours of contemplation, I approach my teachers to ask if I can continue my studies in hatha yoga, admitting that I do not physically or mentally feel strong enough to study vinyasa flow.

This was a deeply humbling experience for me.  Admitting that vinyasa was too challenging in the present moment for me to continue.  I felt somewhat ashamed watching my other classmates at my first solo hatha session while they were all powering through chaturanga dandasana into upward dog while I am plodding gently along with my hatha sun salutation.

After this first class I had some wonderfully uplifting conversations with my teachers and classmates (who were all firm friends by now).  They admired my courage in speaking the truth and reassured me that there was no shame whatsoever in the path I had chosen.  Yes I concluded, I was working withing my limitations and listening to my body.

Coming through this period of self-doubt I was able to fully focus on developing a deeper knowledge of hatha yoga and work on becoming stronger in my asanas.  It was wonderful to see my friends progress in their vinyasa flow practice, and I noticed how much more confident we had all become when it finally came to teaching our own classes as the week progressed.

What a boost it was during these initial teaching periods, the feedback we gave each other was positive and uplifting! As we all developed individually in our own yoga practice we were able to provide feedback and help each other based on a much stronger knowledge.

Through the ups and the downs we had become closer friends, honesty had prevailed and the end of the course was within our grasp! The close of week three brought with it the fabulous feeling of being a step closer to achieving the dream of becoming a yoga teacher!

To be continued…