Yoga for imperfection
Embrace life’s messiness for growth and self-acceptance. Discover yoga, mindfulness, and the wisdom of imperfection.
When I think about “the big bang” or how the universe came to be, I picture some kind of enormous explosion. I imagine total silent darkness and then a cacophony of loud, uncontainable luminosity. The very name suggests that the nature of being is not something that comes in a neat, ordered package. Rather, to exist requires a level of chaos that no matter how hard we try, we can’t control.
If we want a big life, make space for mess The yoga philosophy supports this notion. When Arjuna asks Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita to show him the universe, Krishna opens his mouth and obliges. But the vision of creation and destruction is too much and, though Arjuna feels at peace with the beauty of existence, he is overwhelmed by the power and disarray of it all. He begs Krishna to close his mouth and return to his more pleasant, human form. Life can sometimes feel like that, like the more we grow and learn and take risks, the harder and messier it becomes. But that’s the deal. If we want a big life, we have to take big risks and fail. We need to be prepared for the ride to be wilder, the road to be rockier, with no perfectly paved route laid before us. The more we desire from our lives, the more we must welcome imperfection as a crucial part of the package.
Non-attachment to results
Both the Gita and the Yoga Sutra talk about the importance of clearing the mind in order to take skilful, conscious action. Then giving your energy and effort to that action with no attachment to the results because we cannot control the outcomes of the things we dedicate our lives to. Just as we cannot control the big bang. Just as a gardener, and even a tree itself, cannot dictate how many apples it will grow on its branches, or how shop-ready “perfect” its fruit will be. You can just water the plants, hope for some good weather and soil, manage how many critters get to the apples before they are ripe, and water it with all the care and attention you have. No matter how diligent you are, storms may rage, or drought may scorch the earth dry. And even if it all goes according to plan, those apples may not be perfect enough for the shop display. Does it mean we throw them all out just because: capitalism? Of course not. In the same way, we can’t allow the pressures of the material world in which we live to dictate perfection in every action we take.
Imperfection is the order of the universe
Imperfection is our natural state of being. No two snowflakes are the same. Some of the sweetest, crispiest apples are those wonky, misshapen ones plucked straight off a home-grown apple tree. And, yet, so many of us are shocked at how messy life seems to be, and beat ourselves up for the mistakes we all make on a daily basis.
Psychology
From a psychology perspective, research shows that perfectionism is on the rise, and is particularly affecting young people in detrimental ways. According the World Health Organization (2017), serious mental illness is affecting a record number of young people, and it appears to be continuing. Many researchers, such as Thomas Curren from the University of Bath and Andrew P Hill from York St John University, suggest that the increase in perfectionism may be linked to the rising mental health crisis we are witnessing. Perfectionism generates a people-pleasing desire to win the approval of others, contradictorily creating social disconnection. It is related to a variety of serious disorders including anorexia, bulimia, depression, anxiety and suicide ideation. From their studies, they believe that this is partly due to society becoming more individualistic, materialistic and antagonistic, with young people facing more competitive environments and unrealistic expectations, while having more controlling and anxious parents. This forms a perfect storm for perfectionism to flourish and substantial mental health issues to follow.
Yoga and mindfulness antidotes to perfectionism
Yoga and mindfulness practices prescribe the antidote to all of these environmental and societal factors. There is an emphasis on seva (selfless service) in the Gita, turning the spotlight away from the individual. Many of the yogic texts focus on the importance of who you are beyond the individual form and the material world. The concept of the eternal cycle of all manifest things moving through creation, sustenance and destruction is represented in the trimurti (three forms) Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. It reminds us thet all things begin, have a middle and ultimately must end. Enjoy being in the material world, relish your coffee or chai, be grateful for a body to house you and connect to those you love whenever you can. At the same time, prioritise practices that remind you of who you are beyond all that, through meditation, pranayama, yoga or whatever helps you anchor inwards. And, more importantly, we must learn to embrace the messiness and imperfection of life, if we wish to lessen our suffering in this lifetime. This involves accepting all the parts of yourself, the good, bad and ugly.
Acceptance
The more we can acknowledge the many aspects of ourselves through svadhyaya (self-study), without needing to throw away the bits we don’t like, the more we are able to move towards a state of self-acceptance. None of us are perfect. My superpowers have a dark side, like all the best superheroes, just as yours do. But there wouldn’t be day without night. This is not a get-out-of-jail-free card, or license to be rigid in our personalities. It’s not to say when we observe parts of ourselves that could be softened, strengthened or healed, we don’t do all the work required to do so. But burying negative feelings serves no-one, and only leads to investing in your sad bank account, which will pay interest down the road. Guilt when we behave in a way that causes harm is constructive when we observe our action or behaviour and work to remedy and change it. Shame, on the other hand, is when we turn the spotlight on our sense of self, seeing ourselves as imperfect and bad, rather than the action itself. Guilt can create connection when we take positive action. Shame is destructive and creates self-loathing and disconnection. The more you work on accepting yourself as you are, a big beautiful mess, the more peace you will have towards yourself, and to those around you.
Virabhadra
One of my favourite yogic myths is the story of Virabhadra, a great warrior, mentioned in many yogic texts, most notably one of the oldest, the Vayu Purana. There are many versions of the story, but at the heart of the myth lays our hero, Shiva. He was a young, charismatic Vedic deity who meditated a lot. He met a gentle, loving princess named Sati and they fell in love. Sati’s dad, Daksha, didn’t like Shiva, who was known to have an epic temper, hung out with ghosts dancing in graveyards, had dreadlocks, wore a tiger skin and was not a prince. Despite her dad’s protests, Sati dug her heels in, stood by Shiva and married him.
Daksha threw a big party and invited everyone in the universe except Sati and Shiva. Sati arrived at the party to confront her dad, and meditated until she self-immolated.
Shiva was furious, so he pulled one of his dreads out, threw it on the ground and created a fierce warrior called Virabhadra to avenge her death. Virabhadra broke through the ground, brandishing his sword, raced to the party and chopped Daksha’s head off. Shiva followed shortly after, discovering what Virabhadra had done, tried to find Daksha’s head but, unable to locate it, he found an excellent ram’s head to replace it with instead.
Shiva represents our “higher selves”. The “good” you. Daksha represents our ego – our rightness, judgements and fixed sense of the world. But notice in the story that even Shiva gets it wrong. Even the “good you” makes mistakes. Even the “good you” has a little Virabhadra.
We all know those moments of chopping people’s heads off. Swinging our swords fuelled by anger or fear, or because we feel we are “right”, like Virabhadra. Or sometimes, without knowing why or how, we just mess up. We all make mistakes. But it’s never too late to take a breath, find a ram’s head and make amends. To stop and ask what you can learn from this experience. When in doubt, compassion, calm and curiosity will be the guiding lights you need to make sense of the big, and little, bangs in this marvellous and messy journey of life.
Practice
Conscious four-count breath
Choose a comfortable seat. Close the eyes. Watch the breath in and out of the nostrils. Take a clearing breath in and out of the nostrils. Then keep the mouth closed and slowly breathe in through the nostrils for a slow count of four. Stretch the breath to the length that is easeful and calm. Exhale to the same count of four out through the nostrils. Don’t make it strong or heroic, just steady and relaxed.
Take about 10 rounds. End on an exhale. Then take a full breath in, and let the breath go. Return to breathing as normal and observe for a moment. Try to use this breath as you move through the asanas below.
Anjanyasana
Start on all fours. Step the right foot forward, right knee over right heel, back hip over knee. Lift the pelvis up, climb the ribs up, reach the arms overhead. Imagine you are firming a block between hands so arms are working. Take five four-count breaths. Then swap to the other side.
Crescent
Set up with right knee over right heel, back leg extended with the back heel over the ball of the foot. Soften the back knee so you can pick the pelvis up to a neutral pelvis like anjanyasana. Then try to keep the pelvis lifted as you extend back leg and reach arms up. Squeeze imaginary block to wake arms up. Take five four-count breaths. Then swap to the other side.
Virabhadrasana 1
Set up right knee over right heel. Back foot toes turned out about 45 degrees, sole of foot down. Don’t be on a tightrope, have feet heel to heel or a little wider. Sharpen back leg and ground front heel. Square the ribs rather than hips but pick the hips up and away from the floor. Reach arms up and squeeze imaginary block. Take five four-count breaths. Then swap to the other side.
Virabhadrasana 3
From crescent set up, right foot forward, hands on earth or blocks, lift back leg up and point the back toes down. If you have the balance, take hands to hips or reach the arms forward firming an imaginary block between hands. Take five four-count breaths. Then swap to the other side.
Virabhadrasana 2
Step the feet wide. Heels in line. Toes on front foot pointing forward, back toes turned in. Lift the pelvic bones up. Climb the ribs up. Front knee over ankle, in line with toes. Reach the arms out. Take five four-count breaths. Step forward and pause. Swap legs.
Journal exercise
Contemplate a mistake you have made, or some messy parts of yourself, you don’t love. Think about what they have taught you, and journal your reflections.
