Feeling human again
Explore how dissociation protects us from trauma, and discover simple ways to reconnect with your body, mind, and emotions.
Your mind drifts while you stare out the window, watching clouds gently shifting in the cool breeze. The hum of everyday life fades into the background. For a moment, you’re lost in thoughts, perhaps about dinner or your next holiday, that have little to do with the present. It’s a harmless daydream — just your mind taking a brief detour. It happens to us all.
Yet, when daydreams linger, when life feels like a blur, when you’re often running on autopilot, it becomes something more. Dissociation, a quiet escape from overwhelming feelings, can take hold. When life throws something hard our way, the body and mind can instinctively check out. While this is a natural coping response, if it sticks around, it can leave us feeling numb and distant from the world around us.
Dissociation creates a temporary sense of distance from the pain of trauma. Whether it’s an unhealthy relationship or the sudden death of a loved one, the body and mind work together to buy you some time. Rather than processing the trauma on the spot, you can defer making sense of the experience until you are more resourced to do so later. Humans have developed incredible methods of coping with events that, if fully felt at the time, could completely overwhelm the nervous system.
Trauma and dissociation
It’s important to remember that trauma exists on a spectrum, and what constitutes a traumatic incident is highly contextual. For a concert pianist, an injury to a finger will be far more debilitating than for an office worker whose professional identity doesn’t revolve around bringing Vivaldi to life. While the traumatic incident varies, the symptoms people show in the aftermath are starkly similar.
Dissociation is more common than you may think. Around 73 per cent of people who have been exposed to a traumatic incident will experience dissociative states during the incident or in the hours, days and weeks following. Several studies have shown that for people struggling with C-PTSD — a catchall term for complex post-traumatic stress disorder — the prevalence of dissociative symptoms may range from 28.6 per cent to 76.9 per cent. This coping mechanism, if it goes unaddressed, can cause issues from not being able to connect deeply with others to IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and depression. Regardless of past experiences, understanding dissociation, its eff ects on the nervous system and how to reconnect with your emotions can empower you to regain balance and become more resilient.
Symptoms and consequences
Dissociation feels like being cut off from your body and surroundings, like you’re watching life happen from a distance. You might go blank on important details or realise hours have passed without consciously noticing the time go by. These are common signs of dissociation.
It’s not just in your head, either. Your body releases endorphins to dull the pain, which can trigger a sense of disconnection. As a result, many people describe it as feeling a lack of safety, hopelessness, emotional numbness or just sheer exhaustion. You’re unable to engage with what’s happening in the moment.
Dissociation is the nervous system equivalent of pulling the handbrake in a car and coming to a complete stop. In the short term, it prevents you from experiencing immediate harm but, in the long term, dissociation may lead to greater danger. This might include neurological challenges, including memory gaps, difficulty concentrating and emotional numbness. It disrupts the brain’s ability to process emotions and creates a distorted sense of time and sensory awareness. Over time, chronic dissociation can reduce the nervous system’s flexibility and adaptability, making it harder to cope with stress and engage in meaningful relationships.
Tuning back in
Instead of “escaping” the painful feelings, it’s important to slowly retrain your capacity to let those feelings come up. This allows you to slowly release some of their energy, rather than burying them in your subconscious. This is not just a nice-to-have. Your ability to tune into your bodily signals is critical to making clear decisions.
How do you move back into the “just right” zone from a more frozen state? You can break the pattern of dissociating before it becomes entrenched. Your brain-body system must detect a sense of safety. At the time of a traumatic incident, that sense of safety is disrupted. The unexpected occurs, and your sense of how the world works is upended. Depending on your unique needs, you can help to coax that sense of safety back online through a mixture of play, sharing an intimate moment with another person, sleep and deep relaxation.
Play as an antidote
Many stress-coping methods, including some forms of deep breathing, mindfulness and stillness, can worsen dissociation pushing you deeper into immobilisation. The antidote is to bring more mobilising energy into your system — this is known as up-regulation. Activities that activate your sympathetic nervous system without triggering fight-or-fl ight mode are key.
This blended state, called “play”, is like a staircase you can use to climb out of the downward immobilisation spiral. The energy of play feels energising, exciting and socially connected. Play can be movement-based, such as dancing to music, and it’s most eff ective when shared with others. Going to a comedy show, singing karaoke with friends, playing games with children or biking with a partner are all examples of play that allow you to feel both activated and connected. The most powerful experiences are those that are reciprocal, where you not only feel energised but also deeply connected to others.
You can also enter the play state through awe, motivation or inspiration. Hiking to the top of a ridge with a breathtaking view or exploring the beauty of a foreign city sparks wonder. Many people also enter this state when engaging in something bigger than themselves, such as singing in a choir or chanting with the crowd at a sports event. These collective experiences often lead to the feeling of connection and excitement that play provides.
Co-regulation
Humans are biologically hardwired for connection, and relationships are essential for both emotional and physical wellbeing. If you worry that seeking friendship, love and support from others makes you needy, co-dependent or overly sensitive, rest assured, it doesn’t. In fact, having relationships where you feel seen and supported is one of the strongest predictors of overall life quality and longevity.
Co-regulation is the process where your nervous system adapts based on the people around you. From infancy and childhood, the relationships you form shape how well you can regulate yourself as an adult. When you tune in to another person and resonate with their balanced state, your nervous system reflects that. In this regulated state, you can do your best learning, creating and working. Even if you enjoy solitude, biologically, you still crave connection. If you tend to isolate during difficult times, co-regulation can guide you back to a more balanced state.
Signal safety
Creating a safe space in your environment is a simple yet eff ective way to restore a sense of safety to your nervous system. For example, make your bed a haven of rest — invest in soft bed linens, a silk eye mask and a gentle alarm clock to make the space feel peaceful. These small acts can help reclaim a sense of agency that might have been lost during stressful or traumatic times.
For deep relaxation, try gentle movement while lying down paired with upregulating, energising breathwork. Focusing on the inhalation can assist the shift into a state between wakefulness and sleep, retraining your nervous system to feel safe again.
Connecting with your body while surrounded by green space can also help signal safety. For example, take a slow walk in a nearby park. You might even take off your shoes to feel the earth directly beneath you. Let the natural environment gently bring your body into a state of calm where your emotions can surface.
The path back
These simple tools are all about titrating our nervous system out of the frozen and collapsed state into the “just right” state. It’s not about entering a pseudo state of permanent Zen. Healthy does not mean being calm all the time. A healthy nervous system is flexible and adaptable, moving between different states with ease.
Remember, dissociation might work as a short-term coping mechanism, but it’s not sustainable in the long term. If it has become a pattern for you, reclaiming presence is possible. It’s challenging work but, with the right tools, it’s life-affirming and fully achievable.
Seven ways to reconnect with your body and mind
Gentle movement: Slowly wake up your body and create a sense of flow by swaying, stretching or walking in nature. Focus on movement that feels safe and soothing, not forced or intense.
Breathing practices: Focus on energising inhales rather than long, slow exhalations. Try the “energising breath,” where you take a series of short, sharp inhales followed by a long exhale.
Nature time: Surround yourself with green spaces or natural elements. Walk barefoot on grass, sit under a tree or watch the waves at the beach. Nature subtly invites your nervous system to re-engage with the world around you.
Play: Engage in activities that feel light-hearted and fun. Dance, play a game or try something creative such as painting or pottery. Play encourages movement and sparks joy to help upregulate your nervous system.
Tune into your senses: Hold an object with texture, name five things you can see or smell your favourite essential oil. This helps anchor you in your body and the present moment.
Connect: Spend time with people who make you feel seen and supported. Have a deep conversation with a friend, share a meal with a loved one or simply be present in a shared space.
Create a haven at home: Add cosy blankets, pleasurable scents or soothing lighting to create a sense of safety and comfort in a corner of your home or bedroom. The key is to make rest feel inviting.
References upon request.
