Alone again

Fear is a dreadful thing. Fear of scalding your taste buds can make you say no to a curry that would be a wonderful meal. Fear of being cold can stop you plunging into a river or ocean that would utterly refresh you. Fear of appearing foolish can stop you speaking up and sharing your wisdom with the world. Fear can be a brake on life itself and it can cause some really bad decision making … especially when it comes to love.

In a new study, researchers set out to examine how fear of being alone impacts decisions about who to be with in romantic relationships. To begin, the researchers first set out to establish whether fear of loneliness was a common occurrence. They found that 40 per cent of subjects said they feared not having a long-term companion, 18 per cent said they feared “spinsterhood”, 12 per cent feared losing a current partner, 11 per cent feared growing old alone, seven per cent feared never having children and a family, seven per cent said they would feel worthless if alone, four per cent feared negative judgements from others and 0.7 percent said any relationship (even if horrible) was better than none.

That’s a lot fear motivating people romantically but the researchers then wanted to know how this fear affects behaviour in romantic relationships. Using online surveys (some of which included thousands of participants), they discovered that, due to a fear of being alone, people tended to either stay in unhealthy relationships or settle for partners who were not ideal.

The results held true across both sexes and the researchers say that, based on what they have found from their studies, fear of being single is a predictor of settling for less in a relationship.

The moral here is to stop thinking about relationships with other people and start thinking about yourself. When you are comfortable with yourself and welcome a lifetime in your own company then you will create the relationships with others that will satisfy and sustain both of you.