The recipe for a happy marriage

by Terry Robson June 25, 2015

Love and marriage may go together like a horse and carriage but not every horse suits every carriage. In a new study one researcher has discovered what couples who have had long-lived marriages believe are the secrets of a successful marriage.

The study involved a national survey of almost 400 Americans including more than 300 who had been married more than 30 years. The average age of the participants was 77 years and the longest marriage length was 76 years (the average marriage length was 44 years). All subjects were asked what they believed contributed to a successful marriage and there were several answers that came up with significant regularity.

Of the top five recommendations the top one that came up time and again was: talk, talk, talk. The subjects of the study repeatedly said that open communication could solve most marital problems.

Another common tip was to get to know your partner very well before marrying them. They suggested that having a number of shared experiences was an important preparation to help you know that you can live through life’s challenges. Part of this was to never expect that you could change another person.

The subjects also advised to treat marriage as a lifelong commitment to your partner rather than something that only lasts as long as the passion does. This might not sit well with the “this is not working for me anymore” philosophy-du-jour, but these people who long marriages say that having a mindset of profound commitment will help overcome the inevitable dry spells in life and relationships.

These elders also advised to work as a team and see problems as a collective couple rather than as the domain of one partner.

Last in the top five pieces of advice was to choose someone who is similar to you in terms of your interests and background. Life is hard enough without having to overcome fundamental differences at every turn, especially when it comes to things like raising children.

If you are contemplating marriage there is enough there to begin your selection process and if you are already married there is either a light to shine the way forward or cause for quiet concern.