Are you the “stonewall” in your relationship?

The course of true love never does run smoothly. Even the most loving of relationships will inevitably encounter conflict; that is the nature of two people living together. However, how you deal with that conflict has real and significant consequences, and those consequences can even translate into physical problems that vary according to your coping strategy.

The results showed that people who stonewalled were significantly more likely to have musculoskeletal problems like sore neck or back pain.

The new study began in 1989 and involved heterosexual couples who were called in every five years to discuss events in their lives and areas of disagreement and enjoyment. The interactions between the couples were rated by experts based on facial expressions, body language and tone of voice. For instance, indications of anger would be lips pressed together, knitted brows, tight jaws and voices altered from their normal tone. Indications of “stonewalling” (a refusal to communicate or co-operate) included facial stiffness, rigid neck muscles and little or no eye contact. The subjects also completed a series of questionnaires as to their health status.

The results showed that people who stonewalled were significantly more likely to have musculoskeletal problems like sore neck or back pain. People who became angry in response to conflict with a partner, however, were more likely to have high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease.

It’s a lesson for us all: anger and stonewalling aren’t the answers to any conflict.