Seek not the things which
should happen as you wish;
but wish the things that happen
to be as they are,
and you will have a
tranquil flow of life.
~ Epicetus (55 – 135)
Self-transformation so often requires the letting go of a past that is interfering with our life in the present. Our defensive reactions to events in earlier times leave impressions, like seeds implanted in the subconscious mind, now bearing fruit perhaps bitter and sour. We become angry, sad, hurt, distant, fearful or restless in certain situations even when we have resolved not to. Some would say, “Well, that’s just me”, all the while knowing deep down that this is not true.
Nobody wants to feel unhappy and agitated, and all want to have a lasting sense of well-being because this is our true nature. Yet the past continues to influence us , even though we know it is not real, does not exist, no more than the dream we had last night.
To undo these unwanted links with the past there are seven powerful steps we can follow. Each one has the potential to set in motion a life-changing self-transformation. Together, they are a potent antidote for those interfering reverberations from what has gone before.
1. Writing a letter
Memories and emotions from the past intrude into our present-day lives because something within us remains unexpressed and unresolved. The writing of a letter to the one who has aggrieved us or gone away allows the heart to open once more.
Write, knowing that the letter will never be delivered. Write, as if you have only hours to live. Write, as if you are in touch with a vast inner wisdom and compassion for yourself and humanity.
Once written, place the letter in an envelope and dispose of it. You can bury it, burn it, or let it go out with the rubbish. This letting-go is important, symbolically saying it is no longer part of your life.
2.The Empty Chair technique
This sensitive procedure for resolving both past and present difficulties allows us to express those important things that have been left unsaid. I’ll share a simplified version with you.
Sit in a chair and imagine that the person you want to address – alive or deceased – is sitting in another chair facing you. Speaking aloud, tell them of your concerns about what happened between you both.
When you’ve said enough, sit quietly for a while until you feel the prompt to say more. Remember that the aim is to undergo a self-transformation, to reach a state of harmony between the two, with a compassionate understanding of what motivated and troubled the other person, even if their behaviour was totally unacceptable.
3. Gaining from adversities
This method of self-transformation adopts the attitude that we can profit from everything that happens to us, even the most distressing. It changes the way we react to our memories of the past, allowing a freedom to live more fully in the present.
There is a metaphor for illustrating this principle of gaining from the adversities inflicted upon us. The more the wind blows against a tree on a mountain, the deeper its roots grow into the ground, finding more nutrients so the tree can grow tall and strong. In the same way, the disturbing winds of unpleasant events can impel us to dive deeper within ourselves to find an equanimity that can never be shaken.
4. Journal writing in the third person
Writing in a journal for a few moments every day helps us to let go of the past, particularly if we express ourselves in the third person. That is, “Ron was thinking…”, “Ron had a strong feeling of….”
By writing about events in the third person we usher in a grounded self-transformation, becoming the impartial Witness observing the unfolding drama of our own life.
5. Dissolving feelings of unfairness
As long as we hold on to the belief that something should not have, or should have, happened we are at the mercy of a mind that has turned away from growth towards limitation, from understanding towards feeling degraded or ripped-off by life.
On this journey of self-transformation we can let go of the past if we see it as a test that we were ready for; as an opportunity to give thanks that it was not worse; as an incentive to grow in wisdom, compassion, forgiveness and self-confidence; as an impulse to touch something greater within ourselves.
6. The art of forgiveness
Self-transformation requires forgiveness, not only of others but ourselves as well. Without forgiveness we cannot move on, remaining bound by the chains around our heart. Forgiveness is made easier using the ‘blind man’ analogy. It goes like this:
We forgive the blind man who bumps into us because he could not help it, being blind. The bully, the cheat, the one who insults and ridicules, are all ‘blind’ in both mind and heart, unable to see that being human means to behave like a human being and not like an animal.
Reflecting on what happened to us, while repeating silently, “The blind man can’t see,” allows forgiveness to come, and even compassion for the abuser for they are living in an earthly hell without realising it.
7. Using light to banish the darkness of the past.
This self-transformation technique uses light for dissolving the effects of the past, allowing a freedom we’ve not known before.
When light is spread everywhere, no shadow can ever remain. If we bring the darkness of our past into an all-pervading light, the past will simply disappear. Briefly, this is what you do:
Imagine a cool, healing flame travelling throughout your whole body, filling every cell with light, until it begins shining out all around from every pore in your skin. Everything becomes filled with this light. Imagine your body dissolving into this vast, limitless ocean of light.
Now allow old memories and feelings from your subconscious to rise up in you; then plunge them into the light, again and again, until all that is left is light.
Good memories, bad memories, plunge them all into the light. Terrible feelings, sweet feelings, all get plunged into the light. Keep doing this until nothing else enters your mind. Then rest in the ocean of light.
Like flowing water,
let go.
Like a leaf falling,
forgive yourself.
Like the tide going out,
forgive the situation.
Like the sun rising,
move forward.
Namaste,
Ron
