Healthy boundaries are essential because they help you live a more meaningful and fulfilling life. They protect you from people who overwhelm you and try to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do, rather than encouraging you to live the life you want to live. Sometimes it is hard to put those healthy boundaries in place because your parents may not have been aware of what it means to have healthy boundaries or how to implement them. Your parents are your first role models after all.
Boundaries become invaded when people are controlling, manipulative or possessive of you and stand in the way of your goals and dreams. The role you play in that is when you permit them do it instead of establishing a boundary, so you buy into their control and manipulation. It is important to pull the plug on any relationship that does not have healthy boundaries, and that is often difficult to do.
Normal living sometimes brings with it lots of arguments. Remember, you are always responsible for your reactions and how you handle the situation. The best way to stop arguments and misunderstandings is to have healthy boundaries in place, as that keeps you emotionally stable and lets you avoid all the anxiety that comes with fighting. If we let issues cloud our thoughts they stop us from moving forward with the future we deserve. We get tied up in a cycle of living our lives stuck in the same old ideas, fighting the same lost causes with the same people. It’s much better to learn from our mistakes and use that learning in our relationships to develop healthy boundaries with everyone we meet. This will set up a new respect for you in the long run from friends, family and colleagues. At first it may be difficult, as people could be shocked when you fail to do things their way, but in the long run you will be better off for it.
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In order to develop successful relationship boundaries, you need to first listen to yourself and take notice of your intuition. Usually, if it’s telling you there’s something not right, it turns out to be true. You also need to take responsibility for your own life and future as you are the only one responsible for it. It is also important to create interests for yourself and do whatever it takes to fulfill them. Stop relying on others to make you feel complete and realise that you are already complete and the key to your own independence. Make it a priority to voice your needs instead of stuffing them down or overcompensating with food, alcohol or other things and still being miserable. As hard as it is, it is important to face your problems head on and not hide them under the carpet and ignore them. Ignoring them does not resolve the issues: they will be right there waiting for you next time.
Another good tip is, when developing relationships, only engage with people who will show you respect for your feeling and opinions and whose opinions and feelings you in turn respect. Healthy boundaries must go both ways. You can’t expect people to respect yours if you don’t respect theirs; and that applies for everyone, including your staff and children. It becomes important to be aware of the difference between good feedback and just plain manipulation.
