Happiness means different things to different people. Often when I ask someone what they need to create happiness in their lives they stop, think and don’t know the answer. The big question then becomes how we can pursue happiness when we are not even sure what it is we want to attract. So let’s look at some qualities that will bring aspects of happiness into our life.
Many people that have productive lives filled with happiness have a sense of optimism despite the number of times they seem to have failure in their life. They tend to treat failure as a way of learning or changing their perspective to perhaps handle the same issue in a different way or to move on. That learning often brings with it an attitude of gratitude, appreciation and value for what they already have. People with an optimistic attitude often find their happiness by looking at the positives they can be grateful for instead of continually complaining about what they do not have, and that often also brings a relinquishing of the past.
Often we find that we remember the past in distorted ways and we long and dream for situations that never were, so instead of creating our happiness in the present and in the future we turn towards a misconception of what life may have been like and idolise it into something that it never was or could have been. Then we compound the issue by holding onto this image that we have built in our heads and living in that myth. Releasing the past is not easy but if we want to have happiness we need to find a way to have a clear vision of our future and move on.
We then compound this myth by making excuses as to why we can’t move on and put all kinds of limitations on ourselves so that we become stuck and sabotage our lives. It is impossible to pursue happiness and move forward if you are still looking at a thousand reasons why you cannot take the opportunity you have been offered or take that course you have always wanted to do, or even end the relationship that should have ended years ago. Add to this the fact that it is also important to let go of the negative feeling behind the relationship once you have physically moved on and it becomes even more complex. It is important to realise that this negativity can affect your wellbeing in the future and in turn your future happiness. Stop harbouring negative thoughts and hateful emotions towards the person. If you can’t stop then see a therapist who will help you work through your negativity and let it go.
Having said that though we need to also be aware of the good relationships we have and how they bring us happiness. Those relationships are important as no one can exist on their own and they need fuel to be kept alive. If we don’t look after these relationships they will die. There are perhaps many people fooling themselves that they are doing OK going through life in their own isolated capsules they call their world, in their own heads, however research studies show us that loneliness increases the mortality rate.
As human beings we need good friends, loving family and supportive colleagues to bring happiness to those moments when we have fallen into a slump and to also share our lives when times are going well. It is important to have people who care and it takes energy and effort to keep those relationships in working order so that they continue to be loving and equal and one party does not feel overlooked compared to the other person. In fact it is this very comparison that brings sadness into our lives because when we compare our relationships with others we may think that ours are not as good and begin to feel uneasy and inferior. Remember that no two relationships are alike and whether it be a friendship or a marriage your relationship with each person you know needs its own way to grow and flourish if it is to benefit both of you and bring you the happiness you desire.
So there is a recipe to bring happiness into your lives and although we often deflect and think that happiness will come from our material wealth, in the end, we often find that it is our relationships that bring us the most happiness. Our relationships with others and our relationship with ourselves brings a contentment and happiness that does not exist in the world of the materialist. That is empowering because we have control as to how we nurture ourselves and others. So the issue of happiness becomes one that is in your control. With focus and a sense of knowing what you want you can step towards your goals and dreams one step at a time and if you do this continually, after a while, you will turn around and find you have created many moments filled with joy. Connect those and you have a lifetime filled with happiness.
