Freedom is a very important word. It’s not just a word, it’s a lifestyle. We all yearn to be free to live a wonderful, healthy, successful life and that means many different things to many different people. Freedom also changes. At one time it may be that to be free you want a single lifestyle. There are others battling family issues who want freedom to marry a person of their choice, there are others who need to run from guns and an army that wants to kill them. So this word has much diversity.
What does it mean to you to have freedom? Is it about having freedom to eat that piece of chocolate cake and not worry about the kilos it may put on? Is it about having the freedom to not have the hassle of an overbearing boss who cripples how you do your job? Or is it the freedom to practise the religion you want in a household of a different religion? I have seen so many different quests for freedom in my life as a practitioner – many of them heart wrenching.
Sofia (all changed names here) came to me with her boyfriend. She was so distressed. Her anxiety level was high, she could not eat or sleep. He held his stress much better but internalised it. Michael was Christian, Sofia was from an Islamic family. Their issue was that she had been dating him secretly for almost two years and they wanted to marry. They loved each other very much and there was no way the family, with five brothers, would approve. Worse than that, the men were in charge and she would be sent home – overseas to grandma to find a proper husband. Sofia was 23 and had migrated here when she was five. She had a job before all the stress. Now she couldn’t work. She tried to stay out of their way at home so she could live her own life. Sofia was living in a country that had freedom but Sofia was not free.
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Sofia loved her family very much but there was no way she would ever make them understand. Her family also loved her and believed the future they had mapped out for her was a good one: to marry in the tradition and religion and live a good life with a job, children, husband – everything she wanted but just not the way she wanted it.
There are many people in Australia who have grown up in what I call between two cultures. They believe in their culture and religion, in their family values, but still want the freedom to decide their own path. Sofia ended up on my doorstep one session holding her shoes and crying in tears. Michael was parking the car. He was breaking up with her. He couldn’t take it anymore and she didn’t know what to do. She was hysterical. I calmed her down as much as I could. She confided in me she wanted to take her own life, many times, she was so miserable.
Alison’s problem was different. Alison lived with a man who controlled the house. Admittedly, she had let that happen when they married. She had let him control the money, make the big decisions about the house etc because she liked his strength and admired him. However, now she found herself with three children (two, five and 12), no assistance, which she needed since she was overwhelmed, and just enough money to buy the groceries and clothes. Edgar doled out the money like pocket money to a child; he was so tight with money. He was never home and it was up to Alison to look after everything from sun-up to when he returned at 10pm. She didn’t even know where he was. He said he was at work but didn’t answer the phone if she called and told her not to bother him. Her parents lived in Queensland and his family were not really that bothered with the children or her. She felt trapped but was too scared to move out of her situation. Alison had no freedom. Alison had no life for herself.
Oscar was at university. His stress level was over the top. He was doing a degree in psychology. He had come here from overseas at 18 as a refugee. Thankfully, he was now able to stay safe in this country. He worked part time at a restaurant as a chef. He was a wonderful cook. He earned enough money to keep himself in a share accommodation and pay for his food, and even sometimes to save a little. The degree was hard. His English was good but not amazing and to write in English even more difficult. He was succeeding but this was his last year and it was getting so difficult. He had huge concerns for his future and how he would make it here. He was deeply concerned for his family, some back home in a land where they were not so safe and others scattered overseas trying to start again. Yes, some of them were in touch via Skype, but really he was alone here. He longed to just hug his mum and dad and taste their cooking again. He missed his friends and old girlfriend and had taken to drinking to try to numb the pain. Oscar had freedom in this land but Oscar had no freedom in his heart and mind.
None of these people were free. Yes, they lived in Australia and there were no shackles on their wrists, but freedom is a state of mind and none of these people had that. Just like you and me when we are worried about something. Our perception and the stories in our heads in our quiet moments colour our world and create our prison. What is your perception? What are the stories in your head that plague you in your quiet moments?
It is important to remember there is ALWAYS a plan B and, if you feel no plan B could possibly exist, then create one. When you are sad, desperate, anxious, worried, panicked, depressed always remember there is a plan B. If you can’t find it, go to see someone who can help. Not a relative, not a friend – someone professionally trained. It may be a lawyer if it is an immigration issue, it may be a solicitor if you are in trouble with the law, it may be a priest if it is a spiritual or religious issue, and it may be a counsellor, a psychologist, a nutritionist, a physiotherapist. Whatever it is, do not sit there in pain – be it emotional, mental or physical. Help is at hand … seek it.
