“Life isn’t fair”, they say. You only have to look at what a banker or stock market analyst can earn compared to a nurse or teacher or social worker to realise that equity for value is not part of the universal contract. Yet we as humans respond to fairness with great positivity and that is very evident when it comes to a couple’s sex life and the distribution of household chores.
The new study was sparked by an earlier study from 2012 which reported that when men perform what is traditionally regarded as “female work”, like doing the dishes, cooking and laundry, then the couple has less sex. The findings of this study however didn’t ring true with this American researcher who said that such findings did not seem to fit with his years of experience as a couples therapist. So he conducted the new study on data drawn from a five-year study of 1338 German couples.
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In his analysis, the researcher looked to see if the amount of housework that the male partner did was a predictor of a couple’s sex life. His findings were (drum roll please); that there was no connection.
However, he also looked at whether the men felt that they made a fair contribution to housework and here he did find something. When men perceived their contribution to the division of labour within the home as fair, the couple engaged in more frequent sex and both female and male partners were more satisfied with their sex life.
So how does this fit with the earlier finding?
The researcher in the new study makes the point that in any relationship that is “fair” will vary according to the whole context of the relationship. So looking at absolute amounts of dishwashing is not as important as looking at how the individuals in the relationship feel about the amount of work that they do. This also throws question into the whole premise of “traditionally female” work that underlay the earlier study. Surely notions of “traditionally male” and “traditionally female” work are about six decades out of date?
Whatever the reasons, the new study suggests that perceived fair distribution of housework is the key to a happy sex life. They say women are the “fair sex” but in reality it seems that “fair” and “sex” go together no matter what your gender.
