Do you tend to feel things deeply and have high empathy for others? Are you often described as “shy” or “sensitive” or “fussy” by those who know you? Do you feel overwhelmed in busy places and loud spaces? Is it important for you to have time alone to recharge your batteries? If so, you may be a highly sensitive person (HSP).
What is an HSP?
Just as different plants respond in various ways to different environments, so do people. Some of us are far more sensitive to our environment than others. In fact, approximately 30 per cent of us are considered “highly sensitive”. Sensitivity is a biologically based temperament trait like extroversion and conscientiousness. Our temperament forms the building blocks of our personality. We all fall somewhere on the sensitivity continuum, from low sensitivity to high sensitivity. Those who are highly sensitive are thought to have a more finely tuned nervous system that drives stronger reactions to the environment. High sensitivity is not something you can switch on and off, which is why the all-too-common expression “don’t be so sensitive” doesn’t make sense.
In keeping with the plant analogy, HSPs have been labelled “orchids” in the fields of medicine and psychology, because these flowers require specific conditions in order to do well, but, in the right environment, they bloom spectacularly. People who are less sensitive are less affected by their environment and are labelled “dandelions”, because these flowers are fairly hardy and can grow in a wide variety of conditions. As a clinical psychologist with a passion for working with highly sensitive people (and as an HSP myself), I have had hundreds of conversations with people about what life is like as an HSP.
Signs of high sensitivity
HSPs tend to identify with four main characteristics: thinking more deeply, feeling emotions more strongly, becoming overwhelmed more easily in busy and chaotic environments and noticing details in the environment that other people tend to miss. HSPs tend to think deeply, feel intensely and notice a lot. Put simply, it makes sense that if you are someone who takes in more information from your environment, you will be more likely to experience overwhelm than others.
One of the most obvious signs of high sensitivity is emotional intensity. Many HSPs describe being aware from a young age that they felt things more deeply and cried more easily than others. One HSP told me that as a child he had been told “you are too sweet to be a boy”, because he was gentle, caring and highly attuned to the emotions of others. Not only are HSPs highly aware of the emotions and moods of others, but they are also more affected by happy and sad imagery in the media. Parents of HSPs will often tell me how they will need to skip or fast-forward even mildly sad scenes in Disney movies, because their little one will become easily distressed.
Not surprisingly, HSPs will often describe how they have always had a sense of being somehow different to others. Highly sensitive adults were often labelled as “shy” or “sensitive” by parents or teachers when they were children. For many HSPs, these comments from others were one of their first clues they were highly sensitive.
Unfortunately, many HSPs have been told they are “too sensitive” or told they should be “less sensitive”. These messages can contribute to HSPs feeling like there is something “wrong” with them and their sensitivity, but this is not the case. It’s important to know high sensitivity is not a flaw or disorder, it’s simply a natural part of human diversity. In fact, high sensitivity is not just present in humans. Research has shown that high sensitivity occurs in more than 100 species of animals, including insects and fish. Highly sensitive individuals in any species act like living smoke detectors who are able to alert the rest of the group to early signs of danger or opportunity, before it is detected by the rest of the group. Some researchers believe that in this way, highly sensitive individuals promote the survival of their group and their species.
How HSPs navigate life
Research shows that when HSPs are in supportive and nurturing environments, they tend to flourish — even outperforming those who are less sensitive — but in unsupportive and harsh environments, HSPs are more likely to struggle and may experience mental and physical health issues.
So how do HSPs cope with life’s daily stressors? One of the most common strategies shared by the HSPs I’ve seen in my clinic is they take “a lot of alone time” in order to recharge. Because HSPs appear to process information more deeply and react more strongly to information coming in from the environment, it stands to reason they tire out more quickly too. One HSP I spoke to described how he mindfully plans his social calendar in order to avoid social burnout. This may look like carefully scheduling social events so they are spaced out over the week, or planning for recovery the day after a big social event.
HSPs often use various tools and strategies to reduce sensory overstimulation, too. Many HSPs will use noise-cancelling headphones while studying or working, adjust the lighting so that it’s not too bright, and ask for a desk or office that allows for maximum quiet in busy workspaces. Even before the COVID-19 pandemic, many HSPs I worked with in my clinic had negotiated to work from home for part of the week to help reduce stress and burnout and increase productivity. Many workplaces see the potential of HSPs and recognise that if they are well supported, they will often make a unique and valuable contribution in their field.
A positive trait? That depends.
When I ask HSPs if they see their sensitivity as a positive attribute, the most common response is “yes, but”. Whether HSPs feel good and can function at their best depends on their environment. HSPs are sensitive for better and for worse; this is where the “yes, but” response comes in. It is not uncommon for HSPs to tell me they view their sensitivity as a positive characteristic and an asset “but not in harsh environments”. In the right environment and equipped with the right strategies, HSPs can enjoy full, vibrant, rich and meaningful lives. In the right environments, many HSPs come to view their sensitivity as a gift.
A psychologist’s tips for taking care of your sensitivity.
Accept and understand your sensitivity
HSPs who don’t accept their sensitivity are more likely to continue to attempt to override their sensitivity and push themselves into environments and situations that are a poor fit, which can contribute to stress, burnout and psychological distress. Once you have accepted your sensitivity, you can get to the important work of learning about the trait and understanding what you need in order to feel your best.
Identify your needs
By understanding your needs, you can start to build a lifestyle that accommodates your sensitivity and helps you to avoid overstimulation and overwhelm. Now that sounds like a worthwhile aspiration, doesn’t it? You may find that you have a high need for rest and time to recharge, or perhaps you identify that you do better in 1:1 social situations rather than in larger social groups. You might find that you need time outside in nature to calm your nervous system, or that you need a quiet environment at work in order to concentrate.
Set boundaries
Given that HSPs are more sensitive to social dynamics and the emotions of others, it’s important to learn to set boundaries with others. In my experience, HSPs can struggle with setting boundaries in their relationship out of fear of hurting the other person’s feelings. Boundaries are one way of protecting your energy so that you can show up as your best self in your relationship. It’s often helpful to think of the instructions given by flight attendants at the beginning of a flight: in the event of an emergency, put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. If you don’t take care of yourself first, you can’t take care of others.
For some HSPs, boundaries will look like setting limits around how long you spend at social events or how often you catch up with friends. You may find yourself tiring out more quickly than others and needing to leave social events earlier in order to prevent social exhaustion. For others, boundaries might look like expressing your limits around how much emotionally heavy conversation you can engage in. You might say, “I care about you, and I know this issue matters to you, but it’s feeling heavy for me and I wonder if we could switch the topic to something lighter for a while?”
Because HSPs are often empathic and highly attuned to others’ emotions, they make great listeners and people will often seek out HSPs for emotional support. As an HSP, it’s important to tune into your own emotional needs and assess how much emotional bandwidth you have for supporting others. At times when your emotional reserves are low, it can be helpful to communicate this to friends and family who come to you for support. A boundary here may sound like, “I really care about you, and I’d love to be there for you, but I don’t feel like I have the space right now. Could I get in touch with you tomorrow instead?”
Honour your sensitivity
As an HSP, once you come to accept and appreciate your sensitivity, you are more likely to give yourself permission to honour your needs and take the steps you need to take care of your sensitivity. It is through good self-care that HSPs can function at their best and use their sensitivity to enrich their relationships, work and life. When we look at some of the biggest challenges humanity currently faces,
it is clear what the world needs most is people who are paying attention, thinking deeply and caring intensely.
Rachel Samson is a clinical psychologist practising in South Australia. She has a special interest in the trait of sensitivity. You can find Rachel on Instagram @australianpsychologist
