We each see the world and our experiences within it through our own “lens”, but just how much does that lens distort our world view? Clinical psychologist Rachel Samson explains how and why we come to believe what we do, and how we can move past the outdated and unhelpful stories we tell ourselves.
Have you ever wondered how two people can see the same situation in wildly different ways? Perhaps you’ve wondered why some people tend to take a half-glass-full view of life, while others take a glass-half-empty view? Maybe you’ve been curious about your own thinking patterns, such as your tendency to jump to conclusions in your relationships and where those thought patterns came from?
Why do we all see things so differently and why do we react to situations the way we do? Psychology tells us that one of the reasons is we are all looking at the world through different “lenses” that colour our experience.
These lenses are commonly referred to as our core beliefs or “schemas”. Schemas include our beliefs about ourselves, other people and the world around us. They influence how we think, feel, behave and relate to other people. The problem is our schemas are not always accurate.
Our schemas form early in childhood and continue to be built upon throughout our lives. Schemas can be positive, such as “I am lovable” or “I am capable”, or they can be negative, such as “I am unlovable” or “I am a failure”. Negative schemas begin when harmful things happen to us as children, such as being criticised, neglected, abandoned, hurt, excluded or overprotected. We internalise these harmful experiences and they begin to shape our view of the world — they become our schemas.
We view new experiences in our adult lives through our schema lenses, even when what we learnt in the past doesn’t apply to our lives anymore, even when the information we hold is outdated.
Let’s look at how this plays out in Sally’s life. As a young child, Sally was abandoned by her father who left the country for work and never came home. As an adult, Sally now fears being abandoned by anyone she gets close to. She feels anxious and insecure in her current relationships, even though her friends and partner are trustworthy, stable and dependable. Sally is often so worried about being abandoned that she will end relationships to protect herself from the hurt of being abandoned again. Each time Sally ends a relationship, it reinforces her belief that relationships don’t last. Sally’s schemas create a self-fulfilling prophecy that reinforces her relationship anxiety.
Why do we superimpose our old experiences onto new situations? We do it to maintain “cognitive consistency”, otherwise known as the status quo. Humans love things to be consistent and predictable, so we try to maintain a stable view of ourselves and the world, even if that view is distorted or inaccurate. Rather than constantly updating our beliefs about the world to accommodate new information, we mould new information to fit our old beliefs. Our brain does this in all kinds of clever ways, such as “mental filtering”, where we filter in information that fits with our existing beliefs, while filtering out information that challenges our existing beliefs.
Dr Jeffrey Young, an American psychologist and the founder of Schema Therapy, identified 10 common maladaptive schemas:
1. Abandonment Schema. The sense that you cannot depend on the people you love to continue providing emotional support, connection, strength or protection, because they will leave or abandon you.
2. Mistrust/Abuse Schema. The expectation that others will hurt, humiliate, cheat, lie, manipulate or take advantage of you and cannot be trusted.
3. Emotional Deprivation Schema. The expectation that your desire for a normal degree of emotional support (attention, affection, warmth, understanding, mutual sharing of feelings, strength, guidance) will not be adequately met by others.
4 Defectiveness/Shame Schema. The feeling that you are defective, bad, unwanted, inferior or invalid, or that you would be unlovable to significant others if exposed. This schema often involves hypersensitivity to criticism, rejection and blame, and a sense of shame regarding your perceived flaws.
5. Social Isolation/Alienation Schema. The feeling that you are isolated from the rest of the world, different from other people, and/or not part of any group or community.
6. Vulnerability to Harm or Illness Schema. The exaggerated fear that an imminent catastrophe will strike at any time and that you will be unable to prevent it. Fears may include medical catastrophes, mental health crises or accidents and natural disasters.
7. Failure Schema. The belief that you have failed, will inevitably fail or are fundamentally inadequate relative to your peers in areas of achievement (school, career, sports). Often involves the belief that you are unintelligent, incapable, untalented or less successful than others.
8. Entitlement/Grandiosity Schema. The belief that you are superior to other people, entitled to special rights and privileges and/or not bound by the rules of reciprocity that guide normal social interaction. Often involves insistence that you should be able to do or have whatever you want, regardless of whether it is realistic or reasonable. Sometimes includes excessive competitiveness toward others and a lack of empathy or concern for others’ needs or feelings.
9. Self-sacrifice Schema. The excessive focus on meeting the needs of others at the expense of one’s own needs and gratification. This schema often results from a heightened sensitivity to the pain of others. It is typically driven by a wish to prevent causing pain to others, to avoid guilt from feeling selfish or to maintain connection with others. Sometimes leads to a sense that your own needs are not being adequately met and resentment of those you take care of.
10. Unrelenting Standards Schema. The underlying belief that you must strive to meet very high internalised standards of behaviour and performance, usually to avoid criticism. Typically results in feelings of stress and pressure and in excessive criticalness toward yourself and others. Often reduces your ability to experience pleasure, relaxation, good health, self-esteem, a sense of accomplishment or satisfying relationships.
If you read this list of schemas and find yourself relating to some of the schemas in the list, welcome to the club. You are normal! Most people have at least a couple of maladaptive schemas, while some people will have many more. The good news is, once we learn to recognize these schemas and understand where they came from, we can begin doing the powerful work to reduce the negative impact they have on our lives.
Identifying when a schema is active
Schemas aren’t always active, sometimes they are dormant. Usually, specific situations trigger our schemas and they become active. Perhaps you have a social isolation schema that is only activated in group situations that remind you of being excluded at a new school when you were young. Or maybe you have an unrelenting standards schema that is triggered at university whenever you are going to be assessed.
Pay attention to which situations trigger your schemas and what it feels like in your body when the schema is triggered. Do you feel anxious or ashamed or scared or angry or guilty? Do you notice any physical symptoms, such as a headache or upset stomach? Note down what you notice to help you recognise when a schema is triggered next time.
Remember that schemas are not facts
Once we have identified a schema is currently active, we can remind ourselves of the simple truth that schemas are not facts, they are old stories our mind tells us.
Schemas involve early beliefs we developed based on what happened to us in the past. They are often outdated. Ask yourself what belief is active for you right now. Is this an old belief that feels familiar? When did you start thinking this way? By asking these questions, we remind ourselves when and where we first developed this schema. Clue: it’s in the past. This can help us separate what happened in the past from what is happening now.
Remember, schemas maintain themselves through clever cognitive processes, such as mental filtering, which can distort the way we see things. It is helpful to identify when mental filtering or other cognitive processes are at play by asking yourself the following questions: Can I identify any mental filtering in this situation? Am I focusing more on some information, while ignoring other information? Could there be another way to see this situation?
Reviewing the evidence
On a piece of paper or in an app on your phone, list all the evidence that supports your schema. This is the easy part. If, for example, you have a failure schema that is currently active, list all the evidence that supports this schema. Next, list all the evidence that refutes or challenges this schema. This is usually the hard part. It’s okay to ask a trusted family member, friend, partner or therapist to help you with this exercise if you struggle to identify evidence that refutes the schema.
Schema flashcard
When we are emotionally triggered, it can be hard to challenge our schemas. Writing a flashcard can help you to challenge the schema the next time it gets triggered.
Your flashcard may say something like this:
Right now my failure schema is triggered.
I developed this schema in childhood and adolescence when I was compared to my siblings and criticised by my teacher and parent.
The failure schema tells me the story that I will never succeed and I’m not as smart as other people, which makes me feel like giving up and not putting myself forward for opportunities to further my career.
Instead of giving up, I can remind myself it is the failure schema making me feel this way. I can read this flashcard and the list of evidence that challenges the failure schema.
Therapy
Because our schemas were developed in childhood, they are typically deeply entrenched and include beliefs, memories, physical sensations and emotions. Some people will find that simply becoming more aware of your schemas and using cognitive strategies, such as those listed above, will help you begin to get unstuck from these schemas, however, for many of us, self-work won’t be enough and we will find ourselves needing the support of a trained therapist to help us change these schemas at a deeper level.
If you would like to learn more about schemas and how to get unstuck from them, Dr Jeffrey Young’s book Reinventing Your Life is a self-help guide to healing your own schemas.
Rachel is a clinical psychologist practising in South Australia. She has a special interest in the trait of sensitivity. You can find Rachel on Instagram @australianpsychologist
