If you feel lonely, ironically you’re not alone. When it comes to loneliness, it seems people in their twenties and thirties feel it the most, with a 2019 YouGov report finding that three in 10 millennials always or often feel lonely. The millennial generation (born from the start of the 1980s to the mid 1990s) also reported having fewer acquaintances and friends compared to other generations.
Loneliness is often blamed on the prevalence of technology, yet tech can be an important source of socialisation (especially for those who struggle with social anxiety). Whether or not the digital age is increasing feelings of isolation, technology is here to stay, so we need to focus on cultivating true connection if we are to overcome loneliness.
Look beyond your inner circle.
It can be intimidating to make new friends, but you can start small. Share a smile or small talk with the person who always arrives at the same time as you to a yoga class, introduce yourself to a neighbour or make an effort to speak to new people the next time you’re at a social gathering.
There are meet-up events you can attend, groups to join and causes to volunteer for — all of which will enable you to meet new potential friends. For those who struggle to socialise in person, use technology to your advantage; internet friendships can be fulfilling and long-lasting as well.
Show up for your friends
If you’ve ever hosted a party with only a few guests turning up or have gone through a crisis without anyone to rely on, you’ll know how devastating it can be to feel alone. Where possible, make an effort to be there for your friends, whether it’s for a celebration, as a shoulder to cry on or just a regular catch-up. Don’t underestimate the power of turning up and being a stable presence in your friends’ lives.
Take the time to listen
You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely, and this can come down to feeling unheard. Next time you have a conversation with someone, listen to them — don’t rush in to offer advice or anticipate what they’ll say. When we feel listened to and acknowledged, it can release a burden. As a result we feel more connected to the person who took the time to truly hear us.
Share your own feelings and experiences
While being a good listener means not interrupting with your own take on a situation, this doesn’t mean that your experiences don’t count. Sharing what you’re going through and what your life experiences have been builds greater empathy and understanding between friends. You might be surprised to learn that your friend can relate, and that you’re not as alone as you may think.
Cherish your alone time
We often think of building connection between individuals, but don’t forget about the most important form of connection — with yourself. Just as you can feel lonely in a crowd, you can feel content when you’re alone. As writer Sandra Cisneros said in her “On Being” talk, “solitude is sacred”.
Make the most of your alone time by doing what you enjoy and focusing on what you want. There are no rules as to how long you spend alone, but aim for a balance between connecting with others and being by yourself.
Words SAMANTHA ALLEMANN
Want to learn more about being connected?Visit our connected archived page
