After a year that was confusing — filled with highs and lows of all sorts — we witnessed a breaking down of belief systems, racial unrest, a global health and economic upheaval, bushfires and more.
2020 felt laced with fear and trepidation but also deeply, deeply hopeful. We innovated and amplified our creativity and proved to ourselves how strong, yet feeble at the same time, we really are.
In an effort to stay curious, I’ve observed what others have done in the past 12 months and how they’ve shaped up, bounced back, retreated or re routed. In exploring the DNA of resilience, there are a few qualities and ways of being that make and shape its form.
Resilience binds
When we first heard that we’d have to shut down (due to Covid-19 restrictions) Flow Athletic, a business I co-founded eight years ago based in Sydney, it felt both disheartening and scary. But as the team got together to work out how we were going to keep both our business alive and maintain the health of our community, fear took the backseat as creativity and union began to sprout.
We moved all our yoga and fitness classes to closed Facebook groups, which in a strange way made me feel even more connected to our members. Having everyone log on and post comments and gratitude was overwhelming. Little did they know that they were keeping us motivated and sane just as much we were to them. We took personal training outdoors, which only reinforced the trainer/member relationship and although our numbers dropped during the first lockdown, there were plenty who stayed.
Resilience is made up of so many things. Allowing ourselves to support and be supported is one ingredient. No one builds anything epic on his or her own. And connection is why we’re here. From a biological standpoint, we’re designed to help and support each other. So when a major pandemic comes, there are those who isolate, retreat and deny for various reasons, and there are those who come together and build strength through unity; a common belief.
Fellow co-founder and director of Flow Athletic Ben Lucas and I were sitting together on day one of lockouts when I was still in fear mode. I started to cry and he looked at me in a way that meant, “Everything’s going to be fine.” That was all I needed to power on. Trust and support from those around us make adaptability more manageable. Perhaps even more exciting. From that day forward, I thought less about what frightful things would occur and more about the innovation and change we could make.
Upon reflection of that first day and all the days since, Ben, 41, says, “I used to think resilience had to be some extraordinary act of facing huge challenges and not relenting, like an ultra-marathon runner or a story rising from poverty to riches. 2020 has shown me first-hand what everyday resilience looks like and how many people possess this magical trait under adversity.” Turns out that unplanned situations strengthen character. And this only creates stronger communities.
Resilience is surrender
At the start of the pandemic I remember hearing a lot of sentences start with, “In these uncertain times …” But one thing my yoga practice has taught me is that no times are certain. And the sooner we surrender to uncertainty, the sooner we experience how it is to truly live in flow. I think deep down we all know that when we release the over-controller that is in each and every one of us and lean into the flow — the current, the great mystery — life gets interesting. Truths are revealed. And we’re often shown adventures and journeys we’d never quite imagined for ourselves.
Maryanne Edwards, a close friend and fellow yoga teacher who left Sydney for Byron Bay when lockdowns hit, has a slightly different take on resilience than the textbooks. “Resilience is interesting to me and sometimes interchangeable with the word ‘grit’ but it has flexibility and softness to it.” She thinks that the softness needs support and that it’s worth fighting for.
“I’ve found that resiliency is about being open to change; it’s about being adaptable to things not going the way we had hoped. And that grace in recovery is a big part of what makes up resilience.”
She observed everything change overnight. Yoga studios changed schedules, teachers’ classes were cut and her goals and visions were wiped for the unforeseeable future. She observed so many people jump straight into action, which of course was necessary for many, but she had the luxury of stepping back and processing things.
Space gave her a new perspective and some brand new opportunities. “It’s been interesting to get back into purpose, a vision and career and find a new path in a way I never would have, had the slate never been wiped clear for me. Resilience can teach us that even when things don’t go to plan, they can actually turn out better sometimes.”
Resilience is optimistic
Recently in a session with my psychotherapist, Amy, I was in full-swing victim mode when she reminded me, “The quality of your life depends on the quality of the questions you ask.” There are those who react to pandemics, break-ups and breakdowns with the, “Why me?” attitude (like me on this particular day and more often than I’d like to admit) or those who ask, “How can I make the most of this situation?” or “What can I do right now that will help me feel stronger and more open to change?” The difference is astounding and something we could all endeavour to practise at least once a day. Swap a “Why me?” with a “What next?”
There are those who choose to awaken during a process of global “unrest” and those who choose to go to sleep or stay asleep. Choosing to be optimistic doesn’t mean that we are all Pollyanna-like and that everything’s roses and unicorns.
It’s intentionally adopting a view that the future is bright. To make this change of mindset something more permanent, because change and uncertainty are always lingering, it takes practise and discipline. And that discipline is what ultimately creates freedom.
Resilience is a practice
Someone who has had her fair share of experience in building resilience is serial entrepreneur, Suzanne Skillen, 70. Having been a single mother for much of her life, experiencing both the highs and lows of wealth and poverty, she’s reinvented herself more times than Madonna.
Suzanne says that resilience is a skill that can be learned; it’s a practice. “Strength is within each of us, and by overcoming life’s challenges over and over again and moving forward, we become more resilient. Never allowing our circumstances, however painful or traumatic, to define us.”
Life is relentless at throwing us opportunities to build resilience. I invite you today to notice how many times you can choose the higher- over the less-conscious, lower path. You’ll find this opportunity in the decision for example to gossip or not, to binge drink over the savour scenario, to do the easy thing or the right thing and to stand up and speak for what you believe over staying small and quiet. As much as resilience is made up of a concoction of many things, inauthenticity and fear can drag it down.
Resilience is vulnerability
Suzanne also highlights that vulnerability is in resilience. She encourages us to reach out to others and share emotions. “By allowing yourself to be vulnerable, it allows others to connect with you on a deeper level. There
is always a gift in human connection.”
“My favourite quotes on resilience are, ‘This too will pass’ and the Japanese proverb, ‘Fall down seven times, stand up eight’.” She leans into the words of Dr George Vaillant, who says individuals metaphorically resemble a twig with a fresh, green living core. When twisted out of shape, such a twig bends but it does not break; instead it springs back and continues growing. If we use this beautiful metaphor of Vaillant’s, although we’ve seen decay and crumble of many a system and set of beliefs (some for the better), there’s also been an abundance of new life.
Both grit and grace, hustle and heart are at the birthplace of resilience. And as much as it can be referred to as a physical phenomenon, resilience is a state of mind.
We could have quite possibly just entered the greatest psychological experiment in the history of our generation. And perhaps the staying power — the fire that fuels and keeps the essence of this resilience alive — are the daily practices of gratitude, consistency and optimism of working both individually and as a team, and most importantly a relaxing of the over-controller in us. Not just waiting to react to change, but embracing it and asking it how best we can serve, adapt and grow with its magic.
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