Spreading kindness can go beyond your social circle, as you brighten the day or have your day improved by someone you don’t (yet) know.
It was just after 9am and I’d rushed to the pathologist, dismayed that despite only being open for a few minutes, there were already several people waiting. I took a number and joined the queue, glancing back at the car where my partner and our two-week-old daughter were waiting. How long would it take until she woke up, crying for a feed? It was the first time we had left the house with her and I was feeling anxious.
The woman ahead of me noticed my nervousness and struck up a conversation. On hearing that I had a newborn waiting for me, she handed me her queue number, telling me to take her place. Perhaps it only saved me five minutes, but it was the kindness of a stranger that really made a difference to my day.
Noticing acts of kindness
Think about how quickly we remember and ruminate on the inconvenience or rudeness of strangers. That car that cut you off at the lights, the person that barrelled past you on a crowded footpath. Maybe you were berated by a customer at work, yelled at from a passing car, on the receiving end of snarky comments online. These incidents can dampen our mood and anger us at the injustice, as we complain to those around us of how we were wronged.
Now, recall that warm smile of a passer-by, or that random act of kindness, such as having your coffee paid for by the person before you. That time you were complimented on your outfit or came across a basket of free produce left outside someone’s garden. It could be as simple as someone holding the lift door open for you as you race in, or helping you reach a grocery item on a high shelf in the supermarket.
Changing our mindset
Even though kindness is universal, it can still be unexpected and even make us suspicious, explains psychologist Dr Marny Lishman. “In a world that seems to be chaotic at times, and when we see in the media the negative side of humankind, we seem to be conditioned to predict the worst in strangers,” she says.
“Someone being kind to us in a way that is not reciprocal can feel nice but oddly strange at the same time,” says Marny. “But once we realise it was for altruistic reasons, then it can really make our day.”
Having a positive impact
When you’re on the receiving end of kindness, in turn you’ll be motivated to be kind to others. But you don’t have to wait to pay it forward, and you also don’t need a special opportunity to do so.
“There are so many touchpoints throughout the day where we can be kind to others,” says Marny. “We just need to consciously have that intention, otherwise we might get too busy and forget. It doesn’t have to be grand gestures; just small moments of kindness that can make a big difference.”
I’m unsure if the lady who handed me her queue number would even remember the interaction, and I wouldn’t recognise her if we met again. But that small act not only brought me out of overwhelm, it also was a reminder that people can be kind and generous without expecting anything back. From the tiniest of gestures, kindness from a stranger can challenge a negative worldview and help us feel more connected to those around us; a feeling to lean into during these uncertain times.
